


A Broken Rune

by Team_Alpha_Wolf_Squadron



Series: Runes and Revenge [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Jace Wayland-centric, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24679237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Team_Alpha_Wolf_Squadron/pseuds/Team_Alpha_Wolf_Squadron
Summary: For four long years Jace has had to live with the knowledge that Alec, his parabatai, was dead, and he didn't know how or why. Then he walks into the ops room and, well, Alec isn't quite so dead. In fact he's very not dead. Which means something happened. Something he doesn't quite yet know. That's if it's even Alec in the first place.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Runes and Revenge [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808047
Comments: 15
Kudos: 158





	1. Chapter 1

“You’re going to end up hurting yourself,” came behind him.

Jace halted the punching bag before it could knock him over, holding his hands up after to show Izzy just how unbroken and whole his skin was. Not that it mattered. So what if it did break? He had a stele for a reason. It wasn’t like there was anyone else who would feel his skin split. Not anymore anyway.

“You’re still an idiot,” Izzy sighed, her heels clicking as she came to brace the punching bag. “Mom and dad are coming home from Idris soon.”

“Fun,” he huffed out, testing one, then two punches before going at it again. 

“Max will be with them.” 

Which, Jace supposed, was an actual reason to look forward to their visit. Probably the only one. He sighed, shaking his hands out, he couldn’t be bothered with this anymore. “Was that all?”

“Pretty much.” Izzy grabbed his wrist, checking herself that he was fine. “I’m going out later, Aldertree has me testing Clary out. Just me,” she said, Jace forcing himself to bite back his offer to come with them. Izzy dipped her head that little bit closer, “You know if you don’t start behaving he’s gonna demote you even further. So for your own sake, if not mine,” she tossed his wrist back to him, “start wising up.” 

Then she was gone, and with her any chance for him to get out there and beat some demons back to Edom. 

He shook his hands out, wandering over to the weapons he’d meticulously cleaned a few hours ago. Even the ones he never let anyone take at all. He passed over the seraph, his seraph that Alertree had helpfully reminded him wasn’t his seraph actually, that it belonged to the Institute. That all these weapons belonged to the Institute and Jace had no right to horde some away for himself, sentimental or not.

He forced himself to breathe evenly as he came to a quiver. Outside as clean as it was ever going to get, yet inside, Jace sighed, he knew what was inside. Knew what his dad had brought back, the blood that stained the inside. 

It was a long night after that. Jace spent half of it staring at an old quiver, the rest of it, once he’d realised what time it was, in his room, contemplating going out and risking being grounded even further, or just doing what he was doing now. Nothing. 

He ended up doing nothing. Something, days later he was still unsure whether he was thankful for or not since it meant he was there when Izzy came screaming into his room that, “I found him! He’s alive. He’s alive Jace,” she had a hold of his arm, dragging him up and to the door.

“Wh-”

“Alec,” she breathed, tugging even as Jace’s feet stopped working, “He’s alive. Clary and I. By the angel we found him when we were…” she went on, Jace not hearing another word other than Alec. 

He wasn’t stupid enough to call her crazy. To rip his arm out of hers and lock himself in his room. He wasn’t stupid enough to do a lot of things which meant that Izzy managed to drag him to the ops room. She managed to push herself and him past shadowhunters, some still, some going about their business, a lot of them around one chair. Alec’s chair. The chair that Alec was in. Alive.

Izzy let go, latching herself onto Alec like she was all of nine years old again, and this ghost, this shapeshifter or something, it moved too, catching her, getting her more settled on top of him. Moving like he was there and-

“Mom and dad are in Idris but I’m gonna call them,” Izzy promised, “I’m gonna call them as soon as I can. They’ve missed you so much, I’ve-” she wrapped her arms tighter around Alec’s neck. 

Jace watched him frown. That same frown that Jace knew like the back of his hand. Not mad. Alec rarely got truly mad at them. More like a two on the annoyance meter, like Izzy had said something ridiculous. “I’m sure they’re busy.” He even sounded like Alec. Like the voicemails Jace had saved on his phone, only here, and real and not distorted from being transported from one part of the city to another. 

But, “Iz, you gotta get off him.” He should have brought a knife. His seraph or something.

Isabelle shot him a glare, her hackles raising just as a voice Jace never thought he’d hear agreeing to him said, “I’m afraid Jace is right on this one Isabelle.” Aldertree. He just as easily parted the sea of shadowhunters as Izzy, his eyes zeroing in on the thing touching Jace’s sister. “We don’t know what we’re dealing with here.”

“Dealing with?” Izzy repeated, “This is my brother-”

“Izzy,” Jace tried.

She shot him another look, “This is our brother. It’s Alec. He’s finally come home so don’t you dare tell me to-”

“Izzy,” Quieter, yet it got Isabelle’s attention, Alec moving her off him until he could stand. Jace had forgotten how tall he’d been. He used to hunch Jace remembered. He wasn’t hunching now, his eyes raking over Aldertree in a way that didn’t sit right with Jace. Yet his hand came out, “I understand you have questions. I’ll be more than willing to answer them.”

There was a moment of hesitation, then Aldertree shook Alec’s hand. Jace, “You can’t honestly be believing this?” asked. Yet every eye he met they didn’t find it at all weird that Alec was here. That he was alive. “Izzy?”

“Jace-”

“He’s dead.” There. He’d said it. “Alec’s dead Iz. You know he is. You know it! Whoever this is, whatever it is,” he hissed to the guy wearing his brother’s face, “It’s not Alec and you know it. You know it!”

“But what if it is?” She challenged, right up in his face. “Huh? Were you there? Did you see it happen? Who’s to say you’re wrong?”

“I am,” he snapped. He, out of everyone, would know if Alec was alive, and he wasn’t. Jace could feel it. He knew it in his gut that Alec was gone. “Dad even said-”

“Well maybe dad got it wrong!” she screamed. Eyes wild, she reached back, taking that  _ things _ arm, “He’s staying Jace. I don’t care what you say, he’s staying.” she took off, whatever monster she’d brought in following dutifully behind her, his eyes fixed on Jace until they were out of sight.

Jace turned to Aldertree, quite frankly surprised he hadn’t intervened. “Are you seriously going to let it stay?”

“Of course,” Aldertree nodded, a smug look on his face Jace had never been able to get past. “After all, isn’t it better the enemy you know? Whatever Alexander Lightwood’s intentions are for being here, I’m sure he’ll reveal them at some point. And what better place than a warded building with weapons so easily at our disposal to take care of him when he does.”

He walked off, the others following until it was just Jace standing near an empty monitor, Aldertree’s words playing around in his head. That wasn’t even remotely a good plan. Namely because, if something went wrong, Izzy was going to be first in the firing line. Whether that be protecting that thing pretending to be their brother, or that thing turning on her. 

He had to phone mom. 

If she would even pick up for him that was.

In the end he didn’t have to. At some point Izzy beat him to it, and after hearing her voicemail seventeen times Jace finally heard her in the halls, practically tossing shadowhunters aside to get to Alec. 

He ran after her, too late to stop her from tackling Alec, drawing him into a hug that looked to knock the wind out of him. “Oh my god,” she cried, pulling back to run her fingers over his cheek, “Is it you? Alec-”

Max was in there too. Bouncing on Izzy’s bed Jace had to wonder what the last memory Max actually had of Alec. Whatever it was, only dad was the one to hang back, his face pale as he looked in with Jace to the merriment beyond. He didn’t know how long they stood there, mom kissing every inch of Alec’s face, uncaring that it might not be Alec at all. Izzy, grinning from ear to ear as she unearthed some of the treasures she’d managed to stop mom and dad taking to Idris to be locked away with grandma and grandpa’s things. Max just looking happy because everyone else was. 

Then he was facing an empty room, dad in front of him demanding, “Your rune. Show me your rune.”

Jace should have thought of that sooner, eagerly yanking his shirt up even if he couldn’t feel anything from it. It hadn’t changed, whatever brief hope Jace had leaving as he looked at the red, veiny rune that had once connected his and Alec’s souls. “It’s not him,” Jace murmured.

Dad straightened, “No.”

Telling that to the others only resulted in a fight. The fight getting so bad the door was locked on both of them, Jace kicking it once before retreating back to his room. Let them be mauled. Let this whole place be mauled for all he cared. He was done with all of it. 

The next day and a half were a blur. Jace did his best to be as far away from the Institute as he could. Dad was there, dad could take care of anything wrong that happened so Jace left him to it. He left all of them to it because obviously they weren’t going to listen to him. Obviously they didn’t see that they were being led into some sort of trap. Just because he’d gotten past the wards did not make him Alec. Nothing made him Alec because Alec was dead, Jace had felt him die, he’d felt the rune fade, the pure agony as it was distorted on his body, Alec leaving him piece by numbing piece until there was nothing left. Until Jace didn’t even know who he was anymore. Brief their bond had been, but their souls had been one, and cleaving it in half once more left Jace just-

He couldn’t even describe it. He never thought he would have to until he was older. Much older than he was now. Yet here he was.

Clary was the one to eventually find him. Appearing like an angel with a curfew to remind him of. “Mom also wanted to talk to you.” Her mom. 

He sighed, dragging himself from the bar. “What’s happened now?” He asked, grabbing his jacket.

“Apart from the Institute celebrating your brother’s return?” Clary shrugged, “Not a lot. Mom just wants to see you. I think she’s been covering for you with Aldertree.” and urgh, that name certainly put things into perspective.

They ended up running half the way back, Jace slipping in like he’d never left, thanking Jocelyn more than he probably ought to in public as he took over ichor duty. She offered her congratulations back. Something Jace should have found odd, except he’d still been thinking about how many seraph blades he needed to hang up. But then the next round of patrols came in and they offered their congratulations as well. Everyone that passed him did. Which reminded Jace of what Clary had said. 

His brother was back. 

Meaning Aldertree had probably gotten the story out of Alec. Meaning it was good enough to pass by him. Meaning that everyone was falling for this stupid act. That they were believing-

He kicked one of the benches wishing, God he wished, he could be like them. That he could believe Alec was back too. That it was him, a few halls over, doing who knew what right now. But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. 

He found himself clutching his side, his breaths coming in short pants. It took more willpower than he thought he had to push back the tears clouding his vision. But Valentine had taught him well, and under a few seconds Jace was back to his station. Back to cleaning demon blood and who knew what else from blades that were allowed outside the Institute. 

It was later, in his room, that Jace learned the story Alec had given everyone. Izzy was the one to tell it. Lording it over him like some grand prize that she’d been right. That there was an explanation for everything. But, “A mundane?” how stupid did Alec think they were. “Why the fuck would he run off with a mundane?”

“He was nineteen Jace, why else would he run off,” Izzy scoffed, her hand making some lewd gestures.

He couldn’t believe this. “So let me get this straight. Alec knocked up a girl. A mundane girl.” No. Just no. 

Yet Izzy nodded. “I mean,” she gave, back hitting his door, “I was a little confused. I always…” Yeah, so did Jace. “But, I mean, it makes sense. Maybe he was just going through something back then.”

“Or maybe he’s lying to us,” Jace muttered.

“Or maybe he’s just like every other nineteen year old boy I know and wanted to fuck the first girl that looked at him,” Izzy snapped back. “I mean, he didn’t have to love her to sleep with her. He’s certainly not with her now.”

No, not after this supposed miscarriage and the two of them just drifting apart. Like, really? How was she believing this? “So it took him four years to come back to us? Not even to come back to us, you found him on patrol.”

“Maybe he didn’t think he would be welcomed back,” which was actually a good point, and one that might have worked if this whole story didn’t reek of lies. “You know what happened with uncle Max.”

“Exactly!” he could hear the hysterics in his voice, and knew it wasn’t helping with his case but, “exactly Iz. We all know what happened with uncle Max. Alec knows what happened with uncle Max. This is almost word for word what mom told us when we were kids.” Uncle Max knocking some mundane up and running away. Except uncle Max had loved that girl. Except grandma and grandpa knew about the mundane and told Max outright that he either left her to it or never came home and Max had chosen the latter. This, dad had brought Alec’s quiver back, “How do you explain that? The quiver Iz? And my rune? He was in so much pain.” Not just near the end either. For weeks Jace had been in agony so bad he hadn’t been able to leave the infirmary. There was no way Alec had been seeing a mundane. No way at all.

But Izzy, she just wanted so badly to believe that she figured, “Maybe it was after that he went to see her. Maybe he was trying to get the rune off the entire time and you were just feeling him try. I don’t know.”

“Exactly,” Jace said, “You don’t. You just know what he’s telling you and what he’s telling you doesn’t add up. That’s not Alec.” Why couldn’t she see that.

“But it is,” she insisted. “I feel it. I know that’s my brother. And you know what,” she decided, “I don’t care that you don’t think it is. He’s back, that’s all that matters. So you can go on denying his existence all you like but to me, Alec’s home, and I’m going to make the most of it.” She left, the door slamming behind her.

Jace ran a hand over his face, falling back onto his mattress.

He didn’t get a lot of sleep that night. Despite all that he didn’t really want to roll out of bed the next morning. But he had to. Aldertree was keeping tabs on him for a reason, and Jace had skimped out on enough of his duties lately. 

That still didn’t mean he was happy. Or that he was ready to face the world. He didn’t even know what that would entail, facing the world. Not until he was sitting opposite mom listening to her make a list of things she’d need from the store. Like food things. Like they were going to have a family dinner. Something they hadn’t done since, well since Alec had been alive. 

“Where is he anyway?” Jace didn’t see him in the food hall. 

“Bed,” Izzy said. “His sleep pattern’s all messed up. Not that it matters. Until he gets his check up, he’s unfit for active duty.” Meaning Alec was free to lounge around and spy on people all day.

“Hopefully he’ll be awake when supper’s ready,” Mom said, adding another ingredient to her list. “I’m making his favourite.”

“Is that really necessary?” Jace asked, knowing it was the wrong thing when the entire table started glaring at him. “I just mean, he’ll probably have just woke up. You know he doesn’t like anything big for breakfast.”

Which was true enough they didn’t go fetch their pitchforks and torches. “Well, he can always reheat it,” mom decided after a moment. “The point of it is to sit down as a family. The whole family doesn't necessarily have to be eating to do that.”

He could feel the dip of the spoon biting into his hand as he looked at dad, begging him to say something. Yet dad, despite the fact he’d been the one to drag Jace, to downright agree with him, that Alec couldn’t be back, merely put his arm around mom like they were freaking newlyweds and say, “I think it’s a great idea.”

Izzy and Max couldn’t have looked happier if they tried. 

He went to the training room after dumping his full plate of breakfast. The punching bag was a welcome sight, Jace beating it so badly this time his knuckles did split, and even then he kept going. Clary was the one who had to tell him to stop, muttering something about Simon lurking around, and Jace certainly didn’t want him appearing so he went with Clary to the side. She bandaged him up as best she could, the two of them sitting in silence for a while. 

But this was Clary, and Clary liked to talk about things which meant, “You’re not happy.”

“What gave that away?” he loved her, he did, and urgh, he did not want to think about that right now, but seriously, sometimes she said stupid things. Of course he wasn’t happy. Why would he be happy? 

“Have you spoken to him?” she asked.

He ran a hand through his hair, tugging on the ends, “Why would I do that?” To torture himself? Just thinking that something wearing his brothers face was in the Institute right now made him feel sick. If Jace had to actually look at him- but he would be. Later tonight at good old family dinner he would be. 

“I think you should,” Clary pressed. “It might be good for you.”

“How?” he begged. “How?” how could talking to it possibly be good for him?

“Because,” she pitched her voice low, “If he really isn’t your brother then surely you can catch him out right? If you know him better than anyone, then you’ll know if it’s him or not. You can prove it to the others.”

He… he hadn’t thought of that. “I don’t want to talk to him.” But Clary was right. He did know Alec best. If this wasn’t Alec then he had to figure out what it was. That must be what dad was doing, he realised. Playing along, getting close and waiting for the monster to show its true colours. Jace could do that too. If it were a shapeshifter, after all, it would only have shallow memories of Alec. If it were some sort of spell, it may not have any memories of them growing up. Creating the form was the easy part after all. Making it convincing, now that took work. They always slipped up somewhere too. 

“Maybe you don’t have to. Just be around him,” Clary suggested.

He tugged his hair again. “You don’t think it’s him?”

She bit her lip, her head cocking slightly. She’d be so bad at cards. “I mean, I want to think it is. I’ve never seen Izzy so happy. Any of you so happy actually. But if it’s not?” she shrugged, “Best to know right?”

“Right,” he agreed. 

Clary shuffled that little bit closer to him, her hand slowly taking his, “I just don’t want you guys to get hurt.”

He knew what she meant. Knew she was on about demons murdering them while they slept. But, “We’re already hurt.” and it was only going to get worse from here. But maybe if he caught that monster fast enough he could stop things from getting too bad. Or worse than they already were. He could save his family a little bit of heartbreak.

Clary nudged his shoulder after a while, asking if he wanted to spar. Jace had honestly been avoiding sparring with her for a while now but, well, she was here, and he really did need to do something before he ended up screaming. So he grabbed the staffs, getting to grips with his own before losing himself in the repetitiveness of fighting for a while. 

Clary’s words stayed with him when the time came to gather for supper. He felt a weight settle in his throat, his feet drag that little bit more, but Jace stepped over the threshold. He took his seat, the one he’d always had when they ate in their private quarters instead of the food hall. He heard Max say hi and mom tell him he was late. He let the chatter of it all fall over him, of mom and dad sharing smiles, of Izzy complaining that she didn’t get to help with the food. Then he looked left. He looked at Alec. He forced himself to meet those eyes. The ones that haunted him when he went to sleep. Asking him again and again why he hadn’t been there. Why he hadn’t saved Alec when Alec had needed him most. He faced them head on and made himself not look away.

He could do this. If dad could, he could do it too. 

Whatever wore his brother’s face made him smile. A small one. Crooked at the edges, just like Alec used to. “Hey,” he said, voice low and so familiar Jace’s heart ached for it.

“Hey,” he forced himself to say back, and that was it. That was all he said to Alec that entire night.

It wasn’t just that he couldn’t bring himself to speak. That was a part of it, sure. But for the most part his family more than made up for his silence. They told Alec everything he’d missed. About the talks they needed to have before someone said something untoward to Alec about his parents. About Izzy’s boyfriends and Max’s rune studies. They crammed four years of memories into a few hours, and Jace couldn’t contribute at all because what exactly had he done in those four years? Yeah, things had been happening lately, but before? The most he’d done was what he’d always done. Woke up, went out, fought demons, went to bed. Sometimes he’d go pick someone up, maybe spice it up a little. But no girlfriends, no ambitions. Nothing.

Not that it mattered. In the silence of it all it allowed Jace to get a good look at Alec. To see the little things that had changed over the years. Yet for all intents and purposes Alec looked exactly like he had when he’d left that night four years ago. His hair was still longer than it should be, flopping into his eyes, his cheeks a little gaunt, his body lank after his last, sudden, growth spurt. 

He looked the same.

Exactly the same.

Jace bet if he found a photo of Alec at nineteen he wouldn’t look any different from then to here at twenty three. Which was impossible. Even if he hadn’t changed much some things would be different. He would have a new freckle. Or he certainly wouldn’t have kept his hair that way. It was like someone had taken a photo of Alec and replicated it down to the minute detail, not factoring in for a moment that, say he had been with a mundane, he wouldn’t be that gaunt. If he were on the streets he might be more gaunt. Not the same. Not this, and that, it made things easier on Jace to look at Alec because this wasn’t him. It really wasn’t him.

It… it wasn’t him. 

Supper finished with Alec promising to eat all of his leftovers later, Jace running before he even finished talking. He took a while to calm down in his room. Once he did, things started coming easier. He started remembering Clary’s words. He needed proof, that was what would drive this imposter away from them. So he just had to find some. More than just the fact that Alec hadn’t aged a day since he left either. Izzy had explained away everything before, so Jace needed enough, he needed more than just hunches and a superficial difference to show her, to show everyone that they needed to kick this guy out before he did who knew what to them. 

He needed to talk to dad.

Except dad didn’t want to talk to him. 

Jace tried that next night. He asked for some alone time, even phrased it as a training question. Yet dad shot him down. “Your mother and I are going out,” he said.

“Out?” When had him and mom ever gone out? 

Yet dad nodded, “There’s this new restaurant I want to take her to. Get her away from work for a while. Things have been very difficult on us lately.” and Jace didn’t know where to start unpacking that because none of it made sense to him.

He was the only one, again, that seemed to see anything wrong however. Izzy thought everything was fine. “Dad’s happy,” she said. “They’re finally reconnecting.” Which again, was completely wrong and he was the only one to see it.

Even Clary thought his parents getting out of the Institute was a good idea. “They probably just want to get their story straight before telling Alec about the Circle.”

But no. He said out. Like dating out. 

Jace needed a break. He needed to get out of here. But ichor duty called and Aldertree was looming so Jace got to work. He wiped and scrubbed and hung them back on their racks, his arms aching before midnight even came. Around two, Izzy handed over her own seraph, pointedly telling him, “Alec and I are watching a movie later if you want to join us.” and wasn’t that weird? Didn’t Alec, he didn’t know, want to refamiliarise himself with the Institute? Have his physical? Do anything but watch mundane movies that, as Jace rightfully remembered, he’d hated the idea of before because they wasted time he could better spend learning to be the next Head.

Apparently not since Izzy didn’t look like she was lying. Jace still said, “No thanks,” hoping to maybe catch dad before he went to bed.

Except he didn’t get to speak to dad. As soon as they came in dad waved him off, a giddy look on both his and mom’s faces as they almost ran to their rooms. 

Which, ew. No. 


	2. Chapter 2

That next night too dad brushed him off. The night after as well. 

It was only the fourth night that Jace realised his dad was purposefully avoiding him. Meaning something had either changed or… or maybe dad was just as taken in by Alec as the rest of them. It was only after he’d heard Alec’s story that he hadn’t spoken to Jace again. Hadn’t looked at him in solidarity. 

Fuck Jace had lost him hadn’t he.

Dad was going out on another date when the imposter himself showed up in the weapons room. Alec, or whoever it was, sure enough, carefully moved himself around the weapons racks. Like he was afraid one of them would hurt him. Something no shadowhunter would do. 

Naturally only Jace was around to see this, or even notice it, and it wasn’t like he could even say anything to anyone without drawing attention right now. So he wiped away the last of the ichor, keeping the blade close as Alec stopped just shy of next to him, eyes immediately fixing on mom and dad.

He didn’t say anything however. Just stood there, watching, so Jace watched him in return. Waited for a twitch in his eye colour, his skin colour, his looks in general. No blip came, even after mom and dad finally left for their date, meaning Jace was the one to break the silence to ask, “Did you want something specifically or?”

Alec blinked, shaking his head slightly, “Er, yeah actually. I was wondering if you wanted to do something but, well, Iz told me you were on probation or something?”

He hummed, he wasn’t willing to admit to anything if he didn’t have to. Nothing that might give Alec some kind of leverage or a chance to sense a weakness in the chain of the Institute. 

Alec took that as he did, the subject changing to, “Mom and dad… they’re going out?”

“Date night.” which looked to be becoming a regular thing.

“But…” Alec’s mouth twisted, a familiar frown coming onto his face. Jace hated this. Hated that it looked so much like Alec. “wasn’t dad cheating on her?”

… wait. “How do you know about that?” Izzy didn’t know about it. Max certainly didn’t. Jace hadn’t even properly known, just suspected it since, well, dad took all these long business trips in Idris that mom didn’t exactly approve of. 

“Caught him once when he took me on one of his business trips,” Alec said. “Told me not to tell mom. Not that it mattered, she knew about it.” and that? Jace didn’t know what to think about that because, again, most shapechanging spells or demons would only know superficial things. Not things about business trips that happened years ago. “Still,” Alec murmured, more to himself than Jace, “I would have thought they’d be separated by now. Mom kept talking about it.”

Jace had to fight with himself not to engage. Not to ask questions. The more he engaged, the more this thing would have on him. Every kid wanted to know the dirt on their parents after all, who knew what this thing might ask of him if Jace showed he was interested in what he knew. 

Alec shrugged, “Guess they made up.”

“Guess so,” Jace said calmly. 

The next round of patrols came through, Jace watching weapon after weapon be thrust into the bin. Alec, he noted, moved a little bit away from it all. Interesting. 

“How have you been?” Alec asked when everyone had filed out. “I just realised we’ve not actually talked.”

No, They hadn’t. A purposeful attempt on Jace’s part really. “I’ve been fine.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah.” He wasn’t giving this guy anything.

Alec, on the other hand, rested his fingers on the weapons bin, asking again, “Really?”

“Yeah,” Jace huffed. “Why?”

“No reason,” Alec muttered, eyes low. “Guess I’d better go find Izzy.”

“You do that.” 

Alec lingered for a moment longer, like he was waiting for Jace to say something, maybe change his mind, before nodding to himself and walking off. As soon as he rounded the corner Jace felt like he could breathe again, slumping that little bit onto the bin. 

He checked in on Izzy later, before calling it a night. She was alone, tucked into her bedsheets with the laptop still playing some movie she’d been watching. He almost fell on his face, kicking Izzy’s heels aside, as well as some of Alec’s boots, Alec’s actual boots. He picked them up, remembering Izzy telling him she’d never had them. That mom or dad had probably thrown them out with the rest of Alec’s things they hadn’t been able to save. 

Tucking them under his arm he may have slammed Izzy’s laptop lid a little too harsh, her door closing with a sharp bang as he went to his own. She wasn’t getting these back. Or the other things he was going to look for tomorrow. This thing wasn’t going to be allowed Alec’s things. It had already taken so much, it wasn’t taking these too. It wasn’t tainting them., and sure, they might just be boots. But they were Alec’s boots. The ones he’d bought when he was eighteen, just before his last growth spurt. Jace remembered the day. Remembered Alec coming home with a new pair of boots, fancier looking than the ones he’d bought before. A little glossier than he liked them. He said the vampires had started making fun of his shoes. Well, one vampire, and just why Santiago’s opinion mattered Jace didn’t know. Or, he didn’t know now. He thought he’d known back then. 

Whatever the reason for buying them they were Alec’s and that was all that mattered. So Jace dug out half the boots on top of his wardrobe, stuffing Alec’s pair as far back as he could get them. Just let Izzy come looking for them. He always knew when she’d been messing in his room, he’d easily have the boots back before she could even think about giving them to that thing. 

He paced for a while afterwards, his mind racing and hands shaking out as he made a plan. In the end it still didn’t calm him down, Jace finding himself in the training room again, kicking and punching anything he could get his hands on until he was finally exhausted, his mind thinking straight once more. 

That didn’t mean he found sleep any easier to find when he did get back to his room. Nothing made sleep come to him these days. It almost made him long for that empty void he’d been living in. The one before Clary and Valentine and urgh.

Speaking of Clary, as soon as Jace slid into the seat opposite her, keeping one eye on his family’s table, she told him that her training had been sort of changed around. “Changed around how?” were they starting her on a new weapon? Jace thought she was doing fine with the seraphs but if someone saw potential for Clary to use something else then Jace was all ears.

Except, “Aldertree said something about having Alec teach me.”

He didn’t even want to know the face he was pulling right now.

Whatever it was Clary made a face to, “Yeah, mom felt the same. But she’s just opposed to it because she wants to train me herself. Like that’s any better.” A roll of her eyes later Clary was hurriedly telling him, “Apparently Alec was top of his class, and he has experience teaching younger shadowhunters. Iz said he was going to be head so I guess that makes sense but, yeah, Aldertree’s thinking that if he teaches me it means more shadowhunters free for patrol and Alec builds up hours in the gym to be considered for his physical.”

He felt his eye twitching. “This is ridiculous.” Jace wasn’t doing anything, why not ask him? Why Alec, and that crap Aldertree said about putting the hours in? Bullshit. Pure bullshit. He’d seen shadowhunters benched for years be given a physical in a matter of hours because they finally made parole. If anything the physical came before the hours, and the hours themselves were split between practical outside of the Institute, theory and sparring in the training room. This was just idiotic. 

Which just proved it. He really was the only one who knew that wasn’t Alec. 

Clary took his arm, her nails digging in enough Jace focused back on her. “This is good,” she insisted, pushing past Jace’s probable look of disbelief to tell him, “Just think about it. If this isn’t Alec then we’re learning about it right? We’re learning how good of a fighter he is. What his moves are, his skill level. Jace this is the perfect opportunity to spy on him.” She seemed to be lost in her imagination as she went on with, “I can do a proper recon. Maybe suss out some stories. Plant a bug. Does the Institute have bugs? Simon probably does. He’d be all for this.”

He let her ramble on about spy movies and a bunch of other things he wasn’t completely understanding. What he did understand was that Clary was, again, sort of right. Maybe this could be a good thing. Potentially. He’d have to have things in place. Maybe plant a few seraphs around the training room in case things went sideways. Maybe even ask to be included in these sessions. Oh, now there was an idea.

“Gotta go.” 

Aldertree didn’t really mingle with the rest of them, which made times like this, Jace needing to find him, all the more easier. All he had to do was push down the feelings of panic and fear he always got when knocking on this door and remind himself that his parents weren’t in there this time. Also that Jace might be in trouble, but Aldertree would most likely only send him down to the containment rooms for the night. Not like mom. The amount of diaper duties she used to have him on when he messed up was unreal. Also Max used to poop way more than babies should.

Probably.

He wasn’t all too sure. 

Regardless, Jace knocked on Aldertree’s door, and within a few minutes, and a lot of finessing later, he was near skipping down the hallways to tell Clary he was now overseeing her and Alec’s training sessions. “This way you’ll have back up,” he told her when her pout got a little too comical. 

“It’s like you don’t think I can handle myself,” she huffed. 

Which he did, and he’d had to tell Aldertree that. But, as he reminded Aldertree, Alec had been out of commission for years now. Anything he had to teach Clary might be not up to his own skill level, meaning he’d need someone else to help demonstrate or even take over if his information was outdated. Since Aldertree trusted the bond between former parabatai over the idea that Jace might just spend the whole time messing around with Alec, here they were.

The actual training itself happened that next day. Mainly because Alec hadn’t been informed before this whole decision had been, well, decided, and, apparently, it took time to prepare a lesson plan. Something that Jace found a little suspicious since he’d never made a lesson plan in his life to train Clary. Hadn’t needed one. Clary was a natural, nothing more to it. 

“Was Alec very good with seraphs?” Clary asked, the two of them watching the training room door.

“He was okay,” Jace remembered. Alec could fight with one. All of them could fight with one. “He specialised in archery though. He liked the defensive position it offered him.” He was also pretty shy beneath it all, even in a fight. He’d rather shoot from above than slash a guys throat. Something Jace used to make fun of him for, but he had to admit there was something nice about hearing someone being shot behind him while Jace took care of his front. 

“Think he’ll teach me some?” 

“This isn’t Alec,” Jace reminded her. 

She pursed her lips, “All the more reason to.” Which he could see the logic in.

Alec arrived promptly five minutes before the actual lesson was scheduled. He nodded over towards them before grabbing a few gloves and pads out the cupboard. “Have you warmed up?” Carried over to them.

“Yup.” Jace had been here before Clary, he’d been here hours before her actually, forcing himself not to raid Izzy’s room when he discovered one of Alec’s old shirts in the washing pile. One of his old shirts she’d given back to him. Another which he was wearing right now. 

“Er,” Clary hadn’t he remembered. “I thought that might be included?” 

Alec glowered over, and for a second Jace was back to being all of fourteen again watching Alec tell Izzy that she shouldn’t expect her tutors to warm her up. That they were wasting time that could be better spent learning the angles of the blade now making sure she didn’t wake up with cramps. Then the look faded, Alec sighing over to them, “I guess.” Motioning for her to come over, the two of them starting in on a warm up Jace had no problem with so far.

There was nothing fancy in it. Just jogging, some star jumps, then stretching out the muscle groups any idiot could look up a youtube video for. 

After, they worked on other things. Push ups being one of them, and that was hard to watch. Clary could not do a push up. A fact he wouldn’t have even thought about before today. 

“Why do I even have to do this?” She panted, her arms straining on number five. “Shouldn’t we be working on seraphs or something? I’m good with them.” 

“So you say,” Jace heard Alec mumble. 

“I am,” Clary insisted, falling back onto her middle. “Urgh, how many more do I have to do?”

“Five.” Alec said, “Then tomorrow we’ll move onto twenty. Then thirty. I’ve been looking at your logs, your training is sorely lacking.”

“Lacking?” She barked, abandoning her push ups altogether to glare up at Alec. “What do you mean lacking? I can fight can’t I.”

“Can you?” Alec countered.

She pushed herself up, marching over to where the bamboo staffs were kept. “I’ll show you.”

They let her, Jace watching her toss a staff over to Alec, the shade catching it all too easy, a drab look on his face as Clary wandered back. She twirled her staff in a manner Jace had felt himself do more than once, a little bit of pride sinking into his chest as he watched her take a stance. That was probably the only time she looked cocky, Jace watching her fall to the floor way quicker than when she sparred with him.

Alec leaned on his own, this guy certainly playing his part up since Alec had never really been the kind to gloat. Still, that didn’t mean he hadn’t been brutally honest. “Your stance is too short, your posture is atrocious, you’re fast, I’ll give you that, but speed means nothing if you don’t know what you’re doing. How you haven’t been killed yet is a mystery.”

“I haven’t been killed,” Clary huffed, standing up again, “Because I can fight. You just caught me off guard.”

There was a moment where Alec’s mouth twisted before, probably faster than Clary wanted, she was on her butt again. “What martial arts have you trained in?” 

Jace watched her catch her breath, a huffed, “None,” accompanying her standing again. “Why?”

“None?” Alec turned wide eyes to Jace. “None?” He asked again. “You let an untrained, practically mundane girl go out on the streets? Are you insane?”

“I’m right here!” Clary dove forward, Alec blocking her without looking, sending her back to the ground. 

“I thought we were just going to have to work on conditioning,” Alec muttered, more to himself than to the rest of them, “But no, we’re actually going to have to start from scratch. Idiots.” He grabbed Clary’s staff, tossing both his and hers over to Jace. “No one’s giving her a blade until I say so, Aldertree can-” he let out a harsh breath. 

“You have no right-”

“Are you an idiot?” He was practically looming over Clary, Jace taking that little step forward, eyes darting to where he’d hidden a seraph, “Do you know how stupid you’ve been? Do you understand, even a little, how dangerous it is out there? That if you’re distracted, if you make the wrong move, you can end up dead.” there was something wild about his eyes, something that had Jace making another step towards them.

Clary held her own however, she’d always been able to, a shaky, “Do I look like I don’t?” Being thrown back at him.

“You look lucky,” Alec told her. “Far too lucky. But some day that luck’s going to run out.” He stepped back. “Just because you’re okay with a blade doesn’t mean you’re a good fighter. It means you know how to slash things and people are stupid enough to give you a good enough angle to kill them.” He bent down, grabbing one of the pads. “What happens when you don’t have your blade though? What happens when you’ve got nothing? When you’re stuck without a stele, without backup, without anything but your bare hands and the will to survive. Do you think you will?” He held the pad up. “Hit it.”

Clary hesitated, then slid into the stance Jace had taught her and flung her fist out. Even from where he was standing Jace could see where he’d messed up. This guy… he had a point. 

“Wrong.”

“You didn’t even look,” Clary huffed.

“I didn’t need to.” He really didn’t, Jace thought. “There was no power behind it, and if you punch like that again I’m going to break your thumb for you and save you the trouble.” 

Clary huffed out a laugh, looking to Jace. “He,” Jace couldn’t believe he was saying this, “He has a point.” 

“Seriously?” She snapped.

Jace shrugged, Alec snapping his fingers in front of her face until she looked back at him. After that it was a matter of almost setting her on her butt again, Alec using those long legs of his to move hers out until she was in the correct fighting stance for close combat. “If you can pop a squat comfortably then you’re in the right position.” Then punching. Then punching again when Alec really did almost follow through on his threats to break her thumb. 

“I feel ridiculous,” Clary admitted when they moved onto an easy punching combination.

“You look it,” Alec agreed, Clary stopping to glare at him, Alec actually taking a swipe at her, knocking her gently on the head until she was back in her stance. “Think of it this way,” he said after a moment, “Every other shadowhunter here has been where you are now. The only difference is they were kids. And,” he knocked her back down when her stance wasn’t solid, “it’s not your fault you’re a few years behind.”

They moved onto katas after that, Alec telling her they would be starting with easy karate forms for now. She also had to do her push ups. Maybe some pull ups too, but they would work up to that. The point was, Jace had underestimated this guy. He’d also overestimated Clary, and watching her try and kick really did drive it home that throwing her in head first might not have been the best idea he’d ever had. Even if Clary still preferred his method of training.

But, “He’s sort of right.” God he couldn’t believe he was saying this. “I mean, I learned all this stuff when I was a kid.” and teaching her what he knew now was all well and good, but there was no foundation for Clary here. “Phony or not, building your strength and working on your technique isn’t the worst thing.”

He got a glare for that, yet even Jocelyn agreed when Clary and he met up with her later. Quite frankly she was appalled they weren’t actually teaching her that stuff before. It made Jace wonder what time, exactly, she’d thought they’d had to actually train between waking her up and the whole Circle reappearance. Still, they had time now, and Clary certainly wasn’t going to be escaping her training sessions. Not when, that next day, Clary informed him that she’d tried to sneak some time in with a seraph before her lesson and found the whole armoury locked up.

“Apparently Alec has me on some no key list or something,” she grumbled, Jace finishing tying up the boxing gloves.

“That sucks,” was the right thing to say since she certainly didn’t turn on him that day. The day after was a different story when Jace didn’t stick up for her kicking technique and she spent an hour afterwards kicking a wall. “It’s an effective technique.” One Jace had been taught as well. “You weren’t exactly pulling your toes back, and that is how they’re generally broken.” So kicking the wall helped teach them to pull them back, even when they were wearing boots. In fact especially when they were wearing boots. 

She had her first sparring match on a Friday. Apparently Alec was scheduling her in for a ten minute spar every Friday to assess how well she was getting on. “Ten minutes?” She huffed. “I can go longer than ten.”

Jace kept his mouth shut. He’d been proven wrong so many times this last week he didn’t want to agree with her right now. Not when, not even three minutes in, Clary was gasping for breath and barely holding her own. The thing about fights were that they rarely lasted a long time. A shadowhunter had to learn to be quick and efficient when battling. Mundanes had it easy. For a mundane, they just had to worry about another mundane, and they easily lost breath after a few minutes and either one of them got a good hit in or they both called it a day. For shadowhunters, speed and efficiency was the difference between life and death. Vampires, werewolves, warlocks, seelies, they all had endurance that would long outlast a mundane, or even a shadowhunter if they were insufficiently trained. So getting the right angles, striking at the right time, it was essential for their jobs. Especially because demons were just as, if not worse, than any downworlder in a fight. They had no need to take a break. No want to. So a shadowhunter had to be ready.

Clary, yeah, she had been lucky Jace realised. Either he’d been there to help her, or she’d managed to find another way out of the fight. Either way, outside of training, Jace doubted she would have sparred for up to ten minutes without break. In fact, Jace usually cut their sparring into sections, letting one of them get the upper hand before showing her a new move.

Not this guy. They didn’t even have blades and this thing had Clary struggling to keep up. Jace could see the sparks of talent Clary had, but ultimately this imposter guy was right, again, Clary needed this training. 

“He didn’t even sweat,” Clary said later, back on the floor, the two of them staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t even think he was trying.”

“Probably not.” Did Jace go easy on Clary? He honestly wasn’t sure right now. He had to have been. 

He felt like an idiot. 

Even still, with this new revelation that he wasn’t as good a teacher as he thought he was, Jace found times during her training sessions to actually do what he’d planned on doing. Spying on Alec. He took note of his tells, comparing them in his mind to what he remembered of Alec’s own fighting techniques. Then crying about it later when he was alone because Jace realised he couldn’t remember, and no matter how far back in the logs he went he couldn’t find any video footage either of Alec fighting. 

When he finished reflecting on just how bad his memory was, he tried to infer what skill level this guy was even at. It was obvious, from the onset, he wasn’t a novice to fighting. Even if his training sessions with Clary were watered down he knew what he was doing. He knew more than just a handful of youtube video tutorials and watching someone fight. He knew how to demonstrate, how to adjust and think on his feet. Overall he reminded Jace of his tutors. Not Valentine. More his tutors when he came here. 

“You can join in you know,” Alec told him one evening after Clary had crawled over to her water bottle. “It can’t be fun just sitting there watching.”

“Beats cleaning ichor,” he wasn’t being pushed away. What if Clary was in trouble? What if she needed him? 

“I guess.”

Alec left it at that, calling Clary over for another sparring match. 

He started working out between lessons after that. If only so he wouldn’t be asked to leave. The repetitive motions helped calm him down as well, centre him enough that he relaxed into that calm before a fight, ready to spring should something go wrong. It also stopped Izzy from glaring at him, Jace getting a feeling Alec had been tattling on him to her, probably complaining that he had eyes on him when he didn’t need there to be. So working out helped. 

Kind of.

It helped in Clary’s lessons anyway. Outside of them, he’d never been more on edge. Every little thing around him reminded him that he was the only one, save Clary, who was suspicious of this guy. He was the only one who saw there was something wrong. That this guy was probably gaining intel, blueprints of the Institute for who knew what diabolical scheme. 

“Maybe he’s working for Valentine,” Jace thought up one night.

“Maybe,” Clary agreed. 

“He is getting close to you,” Jace pointed out. “Getting you alone.” Jace hadn’t heard him mention anything suspicious yet to Clary, but stage one of being undercover is gaining trust. He would want to become Clary’s friend before suggesting to her to, maybe, take a walk to a weird part of town where Valentine and his crew were probably lying in wait.

“Maybe we should be nice back then,” Clary suggested after Jace told her all that. “Earn his trust and see if he lets anything loose.” 

It wasn’t anything they weren’t already doing. All it would be would be a bit more effort on his part. Still, “We need to get more evidence,” he didn’t like the idea of this guy sticking around long enough to actually make new connections. 

Evidence that presented itself one night with Jace stumbling upon Alec and dad fighting. Well, not fighting per se. More dad, finger raised, growling, “I know it was you. I don’t know how but I do and I swear-”

“You swear what?” Alec challenged, Jace feeling the hairs on his neck stand on end. “What are you going to do dad?”

“You don’t call me that,” came shakily. “You’re not my son.” A bit louder, “And stay out away from my wife.”

“You mean mom?” Alec called, dad halting in his steps for only a moment before slamming his way into his room, the door shutting so loud Jace felt his heart reach his throat. “Are you okay?”

Jace shuddered out a breath, pressing his back to the wall.

Alec appeared a moment later, “Are you okay?” he asked again.

Oh, “You were-” he shook himself off. It didn’t matter if he was talking to Jace or not. “Sorry for walking in on that.” Keep it nice. Keep it unsuspecting like Clary said. 

Alec shrugged his hands into his pockets, “It’s fine. Dad’s the one who started anyway. If he wanted to keep it quiet he should have dragged me somewhere private.”

“What,” He hated the fact his heart was still beating fast. Blamed it on Alec after a moment, “What was he angry about anyway?”

Another shrug, “No idea. He said some weird things have been happening but I haven’t noticed it.”

Jace would have asked more had Alec not been called off by Izzy, his sister rounding the corner with a plate he definitely would have paid money to see Alec eat. Unfortunately, hanging around meant taste testing Izzy’s latest concoction too, so Jace quickly retreated, telling Clary later that dad might not be as won over as they’d thought. 

“But then that means he’s playing along too,” Clary said. “The question is why.”

“Because he’s probably playing the same game we are,” Jace said.

“Or...” Clary trailed, “maybe it’s something else.”

“Like what?” He couldn’t think of anything.

Neither could Clary, but still, “We shouldn’t just write it off without considering there might be more behind it Jace. I mean, your dad won’t even talk to you. Wouldn’t he want to if he wanted us to, I don’t know, stay out of it or help or something?”

Which was a point. Dad hadn’t talked to him. Dad outright avoided him these days. He even had mom giving him the cold shoulder for some reason. But that might also be because she was busy being, urgh, romanced. Truthfully Jace hadn’t seen mom as happy as she was these days. She was practically floating around the Institute, even with the whole Valentine, Clave debacle still going down.

It only got weirder when Jace found Dad late one morning, the rest of the Institute asleep. Jace should have been asleep too, but insomnia was his best friend these days, and the training room was always open. The way back was when he saw dad, standing outside Alec’s room, a seraph in hand. Jace watched dad’s hand turn the blade over and over and over again. 

Jace… he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Nor did he ever manage to feel something about it since something about Jace caught dad’s attention, the seraph jerking quickly behind his leg as he turned to him. “What are you doing up?” 

There was something about Dad’s eyes. “Nothing.” something that had Jace quickly locking his door. 

That next evening, over breakfast, Jace had no doubt dad would have killed Alec. Despite Alec, or whatever it was, still being there, Izzy telling Jace he was showering right now, he knew, had he not stumbled upon dad, he could have killed Alec. Which begged the question why. 

“Do you think he knows something?” Jace wondered. Something the rest of them didn’t know. Maybe about what this thing was. 

“No idea,” Clary answered, reaching over to her foot. 

Dad knew Jace was on his side. Maybe he was trying to save Jace some kind of blame in all this? Pain? It had been hard forcing himself to sleep. Wondering if, right then, dad was slitting someone who looked like his brother’s throat. Maybe dad realised that he needed more evidence too before he could justify walking into Alec’s room and killing him. 

Weeks passed after that with things going back to normal. Sort of. Jace was put back on the patrol roster, Izzy started talking to him too. But with Izzy came Alec, and Jace didn’t enjoy the weird questions that were sent his way. 

Then it happened. 

They were in the training room, Alec setting Clary loose for the day and letting her try the weapons out. Unfortunately, by doing this, someone almost got skewered when she got her hands on a bow. That person was Jace. He didn’t know how, but between one moment and the next, Jace was on his back, Alec over him and Clary apologising so much she sounded like she was three seconds away from crying. 

Jace didn’t notice any of that however. All he saw was Alec’s deflect rune. The one literally inches from his face as Alec barked at Clary to put the bow down before she killed someone. It looked normal enough. A dark z with a line through it. But only some of it was black. Coloured in black, Jace realised as he saw marks on the rest of it where Alec had stopped colouring. The rest of it was red. A dull, faded red. Barely noticeable really. 

But it was a rune. 

A real rune. Not the black thing, but the red was. That had been done with a stele, Jace recognised the mark, he’d seen the way it had been first put on. That was Alec’s mark. That was a stele mark that this guy had done and nothing, no one but a shadowhunter, could do that to themself.

He didn’t think, wrapping his legs around Alec’s midsection and putting him on his back. In under a second he had Alec’s shirt up, just high enough for Jace to see. To know. 

There. There it was. His parabatai rune. His and Alec’s. 


	3. Chapter 3

He was pushed off, Alec shoving his shirt down, his eyes wide as he told them both to take a water break. Jace barely heard him leave. Didn’t really see him if he were honest. All he could see was Alec’s parabatai rune.

“Oh my God.” That was Alec. That-

He didn’t know what happened after that. Everything was sort of… distant. When he did regain control of himself again, he was locked in his bathroom, something awful smelling coming from the toilet and his face drenched from fluids he quickly scrubbed off. He didn’t really think much after that, spending the rest of his time staring at his ceiling. 

He didn’t know how long he was in there. Long enough for someone to come looking for him. 

He didn’t answer his door. They left after a while.

Another knock came who knew how long later. Jace still didn’t answer. He didn’t answer because he didn’t know what to do if he did answer. He’d have to go out there. He’d have to talk to people. He’d have to see Alec. Alec who was alive. 

Somehow.

Alec who had faded runes. Who had cut Jace out of his life. Who had let Jace feel all that- and for what! For what Alec? For some girl? Some mundane? 

Actually, screw being in bed, Jace ran over to Alec’s door, banging on it after he made sure it was actually daytime and Alec wouldn’t be somewhere else. He knocked and knocked and knocked until Alec answered, his hair sticking on end and that damn deflect rune hastily coloured in. 

Jace couldn’t help himself, he pushed Alec. He pushed Alec again and again until they were firmly inside his room, Alec arching in a way that certainly couldn’t be comfortable. “What the- Jace!” he avoided another shove, ducking under and ending with his back to do the door. “Jace!”

“You left me for a mundane!” How could he? “How COULD YOU?” Why? Just why would he even do that. “How could you do that to me? How could you push me out? HOW COULD YOU DESTROY OUR BOND?” Since he’d seen it. He’d seen Alec’s rune. Red, patchy, just like Jace’s. Like Alec had all but torn it from his own skin. 

“Jace I-”

“No,” he didn’t want to hear it. “I don’t want whatever lie you’ve come up with. Do you know what you did to me? Do you know how much pain I was in. You took half of my soul away!” he could still feel it, even now, the absence of where he’d once been whole. The loneliness where once there’d been someone else. “A mundane wasn’t worth it Alec. She can’t have been.”

“Jace-”

He whacked Alec’s arm away. “I don’t want to hear it. I just-” he pushed Alec away. “Just don’t come near me for a while.” He went back to his room, the door locking on Alec, on all of them.

He may have cried a little after that. He definitely started stress cleaning. After showering himself so clean he was red he scrubbed his tub, his shower, fetching the bleach and disinfecting anything and everything he came across. His arms were aching by the time he’d finished with his bathroom, yet still Jace went to his room, folding and refolding his clothes, reorganising his books, his closet, anything to stop himself from thinking about Alec. About how Alec so easily forgot about him. How he’d been living with this mundane for five years without a care in the world. Without a thought to Jace and how much this was hurting him. Without caring that his own brother, the man he’d sworn to be with until death, was now alone in the world and Alec had promised, he’d promised that would never happen.

Someone knocked on his door, Jace wiping his eyes, the sky darker when he unlocked his room to Izzy. She didn’t even let him get it open before she was barging in, making sure Jace couldn’t ignore her. “I heard you finally blew up.”

Blew up? “That’s one way to put it.” He sniffed, falling back onto a chair. “You talked to Alec then?”

“Yeah.” She sat next to him. “I’m on your side by the way. At least about him running off. I’m still mad,” She muttered.

“But you got past it?” He guessed, seeing where this conversation was heading.

“Not yet,” She said. “We had a fight the other day about it actually. But he’s home Jace. It’s him.”

“Yeah.” He realised, “It is.”

“I’m just happy I get to see him again.” Which, when it was put that way, he could sort of see.

“It’s him.” It’s Alec. His brother Alec. 

It didn’t hit him until after Izzy had left. In fact it didn’t hit him until a few days later when he was sulkily watching Alec and Clary spar. Alec was back. His brother was alive. Which meant… which meant that he could start actually having a brother again. Do things that, before, he’d taken advantage of. Things like, maybe, go see a game or, go on patrol together or talk about girls and what was bothering him and- and he had his best friend back. 

Five years is a long time however, and maybe it’s stupid to be in a huff right now. To be sitting here not taking advantage of the fact he could do all those things he’d just thought about doing. But Jace had been through hell, and, like it or not, he needed a little time. Just a little while, to get his head around this. 

So continued to sulk. To look at his parabatai rune when he came out of a shower. To ignore Alec, more these days because he didn’t know what to say, and when he did know what to say it wasn’t anything nice. It wasn’t anything like how Alec was or things he genuinely should be asking to a man who was coming back into this sort of life. It was angry, hurtful things that he knew would just make things worse. 

“Maybe they were painted on,” Clary suggested when Jace finally talked to her a week after his revelation. “I mean, do we know for certain they were runes?”

“Yes.” He did. He knew for certain. “You can’t paint runes like that. Those ones on his body were real. The wrong colour, but real.” Which didn’t make any sense because runes shouldn’t be that colour. But, maybe whatever Alec had done to himself to remove their parabatai bond turned them as well. He didn’t know. It was a question he should really put to Alec, but until he plucked up the courage to do so without starting an argument he was stuck with theories and questions. 

“So it’s Alec?” Clary made sure.

“Has to be.” Again, nothing else could hold runes like that. No demons, no warlocks or anything. Just a shadowhunter. 

“Then why is your dad still freaking at him?” 

“I…” Jace had actually noticed dad getting a little more aggressive with Alec. He was starting to actually suggest tougher training regiments. Bumping up his physical. Getting him out of the Institute and away from them. “Maybe he doesn’t know it’s Alec?” That was the only thing he could think of. “I mean, I only really accepted it last week. Maybe dad just needs more proof.”

“I think you all need more proof,” Clary mumbled. 

She couldn’t complain for long however since Alec showed up moments later telling her to start on her kata. 

Around two weeks after that they have to call Magnus in after a warlock child was found in one of Valentine’s bunkers. Jace tried to stay out of that meeting. He wasn’t fond of Magnus Bane. Not when he had the power to take memories away. Or refuse to give them back when he didn’t have enough people to perform some sort of summoning circle. He was shifty in a way Jace didn’t appreciate. Secretive. 

“You just don’t like him because he has better jackets than you,” Izzy flounced, happily informing the doorman to let Magnus in.

“I don’t like him because he’s overpriced. I mean, has he actually helped us Iz?” Sure, he woke Clary’s mom, but what else has he done? Last Jace knew the man was going back into hiding until this whole Valentine thing was over and done with.

Yet Izzy didn’t see things the way he did, muttering, “Jealous,” over to him as she smiled kindly at, “Magnus!” 

“And there was me thinking I wouldn’t get a warm welcome,” The man grinned back, smiling in a way that had the hairs on the back of Jace’s neck standing on end. He knew Izzy had a thing for downworlders but please God don’t let this man be one of them. The smile fell anyway when he looked over at, “Joyce.”

“Jace,” he corrected. Then thought, what was the point? It wasn’t like they were going to be friends. “She’s this way.” 

He started off, hearing Magnus and Izzy start talking quietly about who knew what. At least Clary was out today. The last thing he needed was listening to her or Jocelyn fighting with Magnus. Not that he didn’t deserve it. But the longer they fought, the longer the warlock kid stayed at the Institute.

He knocked before opening the door, a bubble popping in his face. Holding back a sigh, Jace went in, the other two close behind. Alec was already inside. Had been since they’d brought the kid home. Jace had honestly forgotten he liked kids. He was usually so grumpy it was hard to believe. But the kid was alright with him, the pair of them making popping noises when one of the bubbles came close enough for Alec to move the girls hand to touch it. 

“Pop,” drifted over.

Jace watched Magnus make his way slowly over. “We think she’s about nine months, maybe ten. Valentine was experimenting on her. We tried finding something to link her back to a family but,” well, everyone knew that warlocks rarely came from a wanted home. 

“She’s delightful,” Magnus said, kneeling slowly, eyes flickering from the girl to Alec, “As are you. Why have I not seen you around?”

“Er…” Alec cleared his throat a few times before changing the subject, “Here,” he handed the girl over. “She’s just been fed so, maybe wait a few hours before trying again.”

Magnus nodded, lifting the girl up, “Sounds good. Anything else I should know about? Maybe you could give me your number if you remember something later?”

Jace wasn’t liking this. Not one bit, “You have my number,” he reminded the warlock. “And Isabelle’s. I’m sure we’ll tell you if we’ve forgotten something.”

Magnus spared him a look that sent his blood boiling. Nevertheless he realised he wasn’t going to be getting anywhere. Thankfully. “Well, I’ll be off then.” he looked over at Alec, “I don’t suppose you could walk me out?”

“Er,” Alec stood anyway, “I guess?”

“Great,” he nodded Jace’s way, a much kinder, “Isabelle,” following before he was walking out, his finger flaring blue and making little bubbles as he went. Worst of all, Jace didn’t miss for a second the way Alec’s eyes swept the warlock up and down before following a little closer than he should behind him.

“Huh,” Izzy said.

Huh just about summed it up, because this just confirmed everything Jace knew about Alec. What him and Izzy knew about Alec. “He was checking him out,” Jace repeated for who knew how many times that evening. Alec was with Clary, the two of them going over rune studies this afternoon and Jace trusted them at this point to behave. So here he was, going over and over in his head with Izzy Alec’s interaction with Magnus. “Like, he was actually checking Magnus out. Not in an aggressive way either.” His eyes had lingered. Lingered. In places they wouldn’t if it had been Alec sizing Magnus up. No, they’d lingered in places Magnus had purposefully drawn attention to when he dressed himself for the day. Like the low cut top, the tight pants, all things Izzy had pointed out to Jace when he was trying to see if a girl was looking for his sort of attention that night. 

“Maybe…” Izzy paced the room, “Maybe he’s bi.”

Maybe. It was a possibility Jace had thought about at one point. But, “Have you actually heard him talk about a girl before?” He wasn’t talking about this mundane either. Who, by the way, he didn’t know a lot about. Alec seemed awfully hesitant about her too. Often pushing off his answers. Jace had put it down to discomfort but, he wasn’t sure now. Besides, “Wasn’t he seeing someone before he left? That vampire.” Santiago. Bastard. If it weren’t for the Accords Jace was sure that vampire wouldn’t be around right now. Just the way he’d answered their questions…

Still, Alec was alive, and supposedly with a mundane, so maybe he’d just been pissed that a couple of shadowhunters thought he was behind Alec’s disappearance. Maybe he was hurt. Who knew with that jerk. 

“I thought so too,” Izzy muttered, still not stopping in her pacing. “But Alec said it had been just a casual thing. I mean, he didn’t have to love her,” Izzy had said that too, before. When she’d first told him about Alec’s supposed whereabouts. “Maybe he was experimenting, or trying to prove something or, I don’t know. I mean, all we do know is that he  _ likes guys _ ,” she muttered like there were people listening in. Like they hadn’t drawn several silencing runes before starting this conversation. “But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like girls either.”

“I guess,” Jace sighed. “It’s just hard to wrap my head around.” Izzy hadn’t been there after all. She hadn’t been there when Alec had stumbled over words, his face twisting as he tried to join in on locker room talk. She hadn’t been there when Jace had found Alec throwing out honest to god untouched porn magazines dad had slipped their way when mom was finished talking about potential marriages and ‘the far off future’. She hadn’t seen the things he had. Or if she had, if she’d seen other things, she certainly didn’t want to remember them now. Jace didn’t want to either, because if he did, that meant that something else was going on, and Jace was already recovering from one emotional breakdown. He didn’t need another on top of that.

Izzy sat next to him, “I wish we could ask him.”

He leaned onto his knees, “Me too.” 

But they didn’t. Just like they hadn’t back then. They got on with their days, and when Alec asked him, later, if he wanted to do something together Jace said yes. 

Except something between Magnus Bane coming to the Institute and now had changed things. More than once over the next week Jace walked in on dad and Alec fighting. Again, it was more dad yelling and Alec taking it. But unlike when they were kids, Alec wasn’t cowering where he stood. He’d grown a backbone in his time away, and while he didn’t shout, he certainly didn’t just stand there and take it. He had a way of shutting dad down that, again, just sent chills through Jace. Half threats and odd comments that would have dad turning pale and shutting himself away, regrouping for another time, another fight. 

Which reminded him, “How did Alec take mom and dad?” He hadn’t been around for that conversation. He didn’t want to bring it up now either, not if Alec didn’t know the full extent of it all. 

“He…” Izzy struggled with for a moment before finishing with, “wasn’t surprised.”

“Really?” Jace was. He hadn’t been able to look at mom and dad the same since.

Yet Alec apparently, “heard about it while he was gone. He stayed in contact with some downworlders. They told him not long after he left us.”

Which might explain his hesitance in coming back Jace supposed. It also might explain the little comments. Or, it would have, except Jace didn’t think Alec was talking about the Circle when he said things like he ‘expected this kind of behaviour from dad’, or, ‘what are you going to do? Bury me in a ditch?’

But if not their Circle days then Jace didn’t know what he was referring to.

Whatever it was, dad wasn’t backing down, and neither was Alec. Not today anyway. 

“Why not?” Alec challenged, Jace quickly herding Max the other way. “Is it because he’s a downworlder or because he’s a guy?”

Jace stopped, mind catching up to what he’d heard. Then he forgot about it altogether in favour of hoisting Max over his shoulder and taking him somewhere he wouldn’t hear the fighting. Not when dad started screaming. Not when he started using words Jace vaguely remembered Valentine using once upon a time. Words he certainly wasn’t going to let Max here.

But later, when he managed to corner Alec alone, or barge into his room as was more accurate, he had no problem asking, “What was that about?” 

“What?”

“With dad? What was that about?” Like Alec didn’t know what else through the day would have Jace here, right as everyone else was in bed, asking what was going on.

“Oh.” Alec’s mouth floundered a little before, “I er, I’ve been talking with Magnus. The warlock?”

“I know who Magnus is.” He was pretty sure there wasn’t anyone in the Institute right now who didn’t know who Magnus was. “Talking?” Like how Jace thought it was, or innocent talks about day to day activity in the Institute that Magnus was plying out of Alec for some future diabolical scheme?

“Yeah,” Alec shrugged, “I er, I wanted to know how that warlock girl was and then he started on his cat and,” he shrugged again.

Okay. That sounded okay. Dad was over dramatic these days anyway. “So, is he,” what? “Okay?” Jace finished with.

Alec pursed his lips as he nodded. “He’s fine.” Then, like he was reading Jace’s mind, “Dad caught me talking to him. I guess some things can’t be unlearned.”

“Yeah,” Jace sighed. “He is a little… wary, of downworlders.” Which was a light way of saying he’d obey the law, but that didn’t mean he liked downworlders. Until Jace had learned of the Circle, he didn’t think anything of it. Believe it or not his attitude wasn’t all that uncommon in the Institute. 

Alec knew all that however, snorting low in his throat. “It’s fine. We sorted it.”

“And Magnus?”

Alec shrugged, “I’m not gonna stop talking to him. He seems nice.”

Was it just Jace then? Was he the only one immune to Magnus’s charm? It sure looked like it since Jace frequently found Alec smiling over his phone those next few days. Like fawning over his phone. It was a good look on him. Worrying. But a good look on him.

Izzy thought so too, Jace finding the two often in cahoots, or helping Alec sneak out for a ‘meet up’. 

“They’re definitely dating,” Izzy told him, the two of them locked in her room again.

“Then I just don’t get it.” 

“You don’t have to,” Izzy told him. “Sometimes life is weird and stuff happens.” Which was a point.

A good point. 

Still, Jace thought Alec should have kept things a little quieter than what he was. He was practically screaming that he was seeing someone, dropping hints of Magnus’s name in conversation with others, telling mom he had plans some nights. He even came home one morning with glitter practically glued to his neck. 

Dad didn’t get any happier. Mom grew a little confused because of it. But Alec told them. One night after he came back from Magnus’s he asked to talk to them and he told them, “I’m gay. Just thought you should know.”

Like they didn’t already. Jace hugged him anyway, because that’s what he thought was appropriate. Alec looked like he needed it too. He had a way, always had, of looking so composed but Jace knew, even without the bond to tell him, that this was hard, that this had been tearing him apart for years and he needed to know that things were okay. That, “I still love you,” and nothing changed because this was who Alec was and always had been. 

Alec hugged back so hard the wind blew out of Jace’s body. But it didn’t matter because Alec needed this. Just like Izzy needed to hug him next. “Maybe we can actually talk about this now,” She suggested. “It’s been so hard telling you to choose red because Magnus likes it without being obvious.”

Alec laughed, a shaky thing, before sitting down again. “You’re really okay with this?”

They nodded. “I sort of always knew,” Izzy told him.

“Me too.”

Alec blew out a breath, yet still, it took him a good few hours before he was relaxing in his seat, telling them outright about Magnus and just how ‘magical’ he was. Even when he left, he looked over his shoulder, watching them until the door closed and Izzy and Jace were left alone once more.

“That’s over with,” Izzy sighed, falling back onto her bed.

“Yeah.” He knew Alec might still be a little nervous, but Jace felt like a weight had been lifted. “He’s gay then.” Not bi. Not whatever else there was. Gay. Meaning just guys.

“Looks that way,” Izzy said. Which meant, and he knew she was thinking it too, that girl back then had either been an experiment gone wrong, or, God Jace didn’t even want to think about Alec going through things like that, but maybe proving to himself, or forcing himself into liking girls. He’d been around the bars, he’d heard a few stories like that. Of people thinking that if they could just pretend long enough they could make everything okay. If they just forced themselves to be normal they could keep the peace with their families or their friends or even themselves. 

“Alec must have been so scared.” Maybe that was the fear he felt. Maybe the pain too had been some sort of physical manifestation of Alec’s fear. It wasn’t unheard of. He was sure, if he asked Izzy, she could find something in her medical journals about psychosomatic or whatever. 

“He told us though.” Which meant that he was okay with it now. Or at least okay enough to tell them. To be dating Magnus, which, urgh, he still wasn’t happy about. Not because it was a guy, just because it was Magnus. Magnus! There were hundreds of guys in New York, did it have to be the smarmy warlock who told Jace if he didn’t stop frowning he’d look fifty by the time he was thirty. Quite frankly Jace would have preferred Santiago. At least he could keep his opinions to himself. 

“Yeah, he did.” Which might mean, “You tink he’s gonna tell mom and dad?” That was the next step right? Magnus didn’t seem like the type to keep things quiet either, so they were going to find out sooner or later. Besides, wouldn’t he want them to know?

“They’re not gonna take it well,” Izzy sighed.

“Yeah.” Dad definitely wasn’t. Not if what he was saying the other day was anything to go by. “I think dad knows anyway.” If him and Alec were fighting about it then dad had to know. Right? 

“Yeah,” Izzy agreed. She’d seen some of those fights too. 

If Alec told their parents Jace certainly didn’t hear about it. He did hear more about Magnus however. Things that he certainly would rather not know. It wasn’t like Jace could return the favour either and gross Alec out with tales of his own love life. Things these days, well, it had certainly been a while since he’d thought about finding a girl. 

It wasn’t like Alec was saying anything too explicit either. Just something he found interesting that Magnus did. Or some story that really stuck in his mind that day. Odd comments about a restaurant he wanted to take Magnus too. Small things that reminded Jace this was Magnus Bane that was currently defiling his brother, and if Alec had it his way Jace would be seeing a lot more of the man.

“Aldertree said yes,” Clary told him one afternoon. She’d just been to ask if she could be put back on the patrol schedule. According to Alec he was somewhat satisfied with her training. Meaning she was allowed to observe but not get involved. Not if she didn’t want Alec breathing down her back again, he’d only just started letting her decide where to take her training forward.

“That’s great.” Really. Kind of. Maybe. While he was sure Clary could handle herself still, with all this new information brought to light, he was a little more apprehensive than he might have been a few months ago to let her loose in New York again. “Will Alec be going with you?” Or Izzy maybe? But then, Izzy would probably take them to a club and have Clary actually participate despite the rules set down. He loved Izzy, really, and usually he was all for her line of thinking, but maybe this time they should actually listen to Alec instead of throwing Clary to a demon seraph first.

“Er no,” Clary said, “He needs his physical, remember?”

Physical. “He hasn’t had that yet?” Surely he should have? Aldertree was practically cornering Alec in the hallways to try and get him in the infirmary.

“Apparently there’s an old injury that keeps flaring up,” Clary shrugged. “I don’t know. All I do know is that mom says he’s missed two appointments already.”

“Really?” Shouldn’t he know about this?

“Yeah. I think your mom was behind one of them though. She seems a little reluctant to have Alec back on the field.” An understatement if there ever was one. Jace loved mom. Really. But he wouldn’t describe her as maternal. Not to the rest of them anyway. But Alec? Lately? He supposed that was what happened when someone’s kid’s presumed dead for four years. 

“Think I should talk to him?” Maybe it was mom that was keeping him from the infirmary.

Yet, “Nah,” Clary said, her nose scrunching up in a way Jace might have called adorable once upon a time. “I’m sure he’ll fight his way there when he’s ready.” She grabbed her boots, “Are you coming?”

Ordinarily, a trip out with Clary and Simon would be his worst nightmare. Not only because Simon wouldn’t shut up for five minutes. But Jace sort of needed to see the damn vampire so, “Yeah. Give me a second,” he grabbed his jacket, following her out to where Simon was waiting, waving like an idiot across the street as soon as he saw them.

“Hey guys!” Like they weren’t practically next to him. 

He looked away when Clary threw her arms around him, waiting for Simon to start babbling again before falling into step behind them. It took ten minutes of talk about some sort of comic book or movie or something Jace didn’t understand before Simon either realised Jace wasn’t going away, or remembered he was supposed to be here for their meeting. 

Either way, the most awkward, “So,” was sent his way, Jace doing his best not to glare when he saw the arm around Clary’s shoulder tighten ever so slightly. “What exactly are we all doing tonight?”

Clary looked back too, Jace stifling a sigh as he told them, “Don’t worry, I’m not staying. I just wanted to make sure the DuMort was holding up after Aldertree searched it.”

“Right,” Simon nodded. “Well, I’m not exactly living there-”

“But you talk to Raphael.” Jace knew that much because he had to listen to the complaints every time Simon came to the Institute. “So…?”

“Er,” thus started a long, drawn out recap of people Jace didn’t have the want to know about. It wasn’t even anything important, just day to doy things that had nothing to do with the political impact an unwarranted search on the DuMort would garner. “I mean, Raphael’s doing a good job keeping everyone in line, so I’m told,” he muttered darkly, all of them aware that Simon wasn’t allowed inside the hotel after his last escapade with Clary. “But apparently he’s been a little grouchy. Lily says Alec’s been missing so, I guess that would do it.” He hadn’t noticed both him and Clary had stopped until Simon was an arms length away and not getting any further. “What?” 

“Did you just say Alec?” Jace asked.

“...yeah?” 

Clary shot Jace a look, then, “Tall, dark, really pale, kind of grumpy?”

Simon nodded, “That’s Alec. Why? You guys have a problem with him? Cause I can get behind that. The guy’s a jerk. You know he made me think he didn’t know English? He spoke Spanish around me constantly, and I know he was talking crap about me, he has this look in his eye. Then one day Lily comes in and asks him where Raphael is and he answers in perfect English.” Simon shook his head, “The worst part is I was actually learning Spanish for that guy. Raphael told me how to say hello and everything.”

If Jace hadn’t been convinced before that might be his brother, that story would have done it, especially when Simon ended up telling Clary she looked like a constipated donkey instead of the hello he was supposed to know. Alec was vindictive when he wanted to be. Raphael looked it too. The two of them together must have been the worst. Especially because Simon looked like the kind of guy to get right on both their nerves too. It wasn’t like Alec was unfriendly, actually it was exactly that. Still, Jace got his phone out, swiping through some of the photos Izzy had sent him from her and Alec’s last ‘movie night’. “Is this him? Is this Alec?” 

Simon only glanced at it for a moment before saying, “Yep.” Then looked again, “Wait, why is he with Isabelle?”

“Because he’s their brother,” Clary filled in as Jace turned his screen off. 

Simon’s face scrunched up, “Really? But Isabelle’s so friendly.”

Clary liked arms with him again, a smile forcing itself onto her face, “Trust me, I thought the same. But they’re definitely related.” she shot a look back at him, the three of them starting on their walk again.

It took a moment for Jace to speak again. To take what chance he had before this spread and probably spread to the wrong people so, “Do you know a lot about him?”

“Who?” Simon asked, Jace catching up to them so he wasn’t watching the back of Simon’s head. “Alec? Not much.”

“What about him and Raphael?” Clary prompted, “You said Raphael was a little grouchy without him?”

Simon’s mouth twisted slightly, “Well yeah. I mean, they were going out, I think. I’m not sure. It looked that way, and Alec was moving all his things onto Raphael’s floor when I moved into the DuMort so,” yeah that would definitely look to someone like they were going out. “I also asked some of the others. A lot of them laughed at me, but a few said they’d heard some ominous noises in the night.” which, ew. “So he’s back at the Institute?”

“Yeah,” Jace muttered, stuffing his hands into his pockets. 

“Guess they must have had a fight,” Simon said.

A pretty big one if Alec was dating Magnus now. If he was back at the Institute for good now too. Red flags were going off in Jace’s head, yet still he could think of excuses. Alec said he’d ditched the mundane after all. Who’s to say he hadn’t leaped at Raphael the first chance he could. For all Jace knew this was just a new development before Izzy found Alec. Or maybe they weren’t going out at all. According to nineteen year old Alec Raphael was a pretty stand up guy. If Alec was looking for a place to stay, a place that wasn’t the Institute where he wasn’t sure he was allowed anymore, someone familiar and who he was somewhat friendly with would make sense. 

“Guess I’ll have to tell Lily where he is,” Simon muttered. “It’ll probably stop Raphael sending vamps out searching for him.”

Clary hummed on Simon’s other side, “He’s pretty worried huh?”

Simon shrugged, “I mean, Lily said they’d been ‘friendly,” he quoted, “for like, four, five years now? A guy just doesn’t brush it off when someone goes missing after that amount of time.”

Clary shot Jace another look, not that she needed to, he’d heard all he needed to. “Tell me if something happens at the hotel,” he said, not even waiting for a goodbye before he was backpedalling towards the Institute.

Five years. Four, nearly five. If they were including the time Alec was sneaking off to see Raphael that was almost four, nearly five years. Meaning Alec hadn’t went off with a mundane. Not if the vamps said he was at the hotel with Raphael. Meaning Alec had lied. Meaning something was going on and Jace was pissed all over again.

Thankfully he’d learned some tact in the last few days, meaning he went to Izzy first before confronting Alec. Should Alec happen to be spending the night over at Magnus’s when he got back may have helped him go to Izzy first as well, but, well, he liked to think even if Alec had been there he would have had some self restraint before yelling at Alec again. “Four or five years Iz. Four or five years he said. That the vampires said. That means he wasn’t with a mundane. He lied to us.” 

Izzy was desperate, she was just so desperate to keep the peace, to keep Alec happy with them that she didn’t even get mad. That her first thought wasn’t to feel betrayal over Alec lying to them but pity because, “Well, maybe that makes more sense.”

“More sense? Iz he lied to us!”

“He’s gay Jace what else was he supposed to do?” she shot back. “You know as well as I do that it’s not accepted.” Downright dangerous once upon a time really. Still was with some people. If Jace had turned out gay when he still lived with Valentine he highly doubted he would still be breathing right now. “Maybe,” she grasped, “Maybe he thought this was his only way out. I mean, if he was with Santiago then maybe things were getting serious. Maybe he realised that he didn’t want to be unhappy for the rest of his life. Maybe it might not have been a mundane but that doesn’t mean he didn’t leave for something the Clave would have stripped him of his runes for if he didn’t run away.”

“... I didn’t think about that.” Because she was right. Angry as he was, this finally made sense to him. It lined up right in his mind.

“Jace you know if Alec had told us he’d shacked up with a bunch of vamps we would have went crazy. Mom would have went crazy,” which wasn’t a lie. Alec hadn’t exactly told their parents about him dating Magnus yet. Well, not mom anyway, he was still sure dad suspected something, and dad was not taking whatever he did suspect well at all. Mom was pissed that Magnus had been spending so much time around the Institute, if she learned it was because he was sneaking into Alec’s room every other visit who knew what she’d do. 

He sighed, sitting on her mattress. “I just wish he hadn’t lied.” Because slashing his parabatai rune made more sense if Alec had been trying to keep this sort of secret away from the Institute. If Jace had walked in on him and Santiago…  _ doing that _ \- bleh- he probably would have been with one of the search teams, and if they’d seen it too they would tell mom who’d get the Clave involved and, yeah. “I feel like an idiot.”

“I’m sure he wanted to tell us,” Izzy said, ever optimistic. “I mean, look at how happy he is now. Maybe he needed this time away Jace.”

“Maybe.”

That didn’t make it hurt any less. It just made him more understandable. 

Enough so that he wasn’t pissed enough to start yelling when he barged into Alec’s room that next morning. Not that he would have had the chance too. He could barely see anything in Alec’s room, the curtains drawn tight across his window. Stapled, now he got close enough to see, clinging to the wall to keep the light out. He wasn’t in bed either. Jace checked his entire room before finding Alec curled up in his bathtub, the image alone bringing a smile to his face. “You idiot,” he murmured, closing the door again. “Alec’s drunk,” he told Izzy when he found her. “Passed out in his bathtub.”

She pulled a face, “Been there.”

So had he. It wasn’t pretty. It did make Jace eager to see Alec however. They’d sort of missed out on that part of his life come to think of it. Before, at nineteen, Alec hadn’t been one for going out partying. He didn’t really look the type to be going now, and considering what Jace had just learned of him, maybe Alec had actually been that kind of guy but had been good at hiding it? Whatever. The point was, he’d never really had the chance to torture Alec after a night of drinking. Nor had they really been able to do it the other way around. The first time Jace had gotten trashed enough to feel it the next morning had been three days after his parabatai rune had been severed. Izzy was a few days after that, the two of them laughing for the first time in weeks at seeing the other puke their guts up.

They’d cried all day afterwards.

But that wasn’t what Jace was focusing on. Nor Izzy if the eager look on her face was anything to go by. Alec was hungover. 

Or, he should have been hungover. When Alec did come to the training room just after sundown he looked just like he always did. Jace felt his eye twitch as Alec immediately barked at Clary to start on her forms, no new added aggression behind it, just plain old Alec.

“Okay have I missed out on some recessive gene or something?” Izzy said, “Because I swear mom’s the same. This is not fair.”

Jace thought much of the same. There was no fun if Alec wasn’t suffering. “Remind me to not take him drinking.” God knows the state he’d end up in while Alec went about his day.

Izzy hummed in agreement.


	4. Chapter 4

She left about half an hour in, mom coming in to get her for some ‘special ops’ mission Aldertree wanted her on. Clary went not long after that, Jace stopping Alec before he disappeared for good too. 

He made sure the door was shut before telling him, “I er, spoke to Simon.”

If he hadn’t been looking for it, Jace would never have noticed the subtle way Alec froze for a moment before the smooth, “Who?” was asked.

“You know who.” Since, Jace realised, Alec had probably been there when Simon was held hostage at the hotel. Raphael had probably told Alec as soon as they got onto the street, meaning Alec had probably hidden himself. Which wasn’t important, even if it did hurt since, as Izzy said, Alec had probably been terrified out of his life hiding away with Rapahel. “And Santiago’s been looking for you. I know you’re going out with Magnus now, but I don’t think he’s quite got the message.” Not if Alec hadn’t been back. 

A shaky sigh came out of Alec’s throat. “Did Simon say anything else?”

Jace shrugged, “Just that, from the sounds of it, Raphael’s worried. He’s sending vamps out looking for you.” he really didn’t want to be having this conversation but, “Listen, I know it’s your business and all, but, maybe don’t completely screw Santiago over? Aldertree’s just looking for a reason to go after them, and,” He couldn’t believe he was saying this, “Santiago’s good at what he does okay.”

Alec gave a strangled sort of hum before he was out that door. Hopefully to call his ex up so there wouldn’t be some sort of downworld war.

Alec didn’t say anything about it when they met up a few days later. Jace knew he’d talked to mom. Just what he’d talked to her about he didn’t know, all he did know was that she’d been on the phone for a good hour to Alec asking where he was. Jace may have asked Clary to ask Simon to keep an ear on the vamps as a result, worried out of his mind that something might go wrong. He didn’t think Santiago was a bad guy, but, Jace didn’t really know him all that well. All he did know was that shadowhunters weren’t the best received right now, and who knew what a group of vamps might do if Alec didn’t have the protection of Raphael to hide behind anymore.

But he was fine. He looked okay, his runes were still painted on but he looked fine. 

“You know if you passed your physical they’d probably give you your stele back,” Jace told him. It was weird knowing the runes on Alec’s body were faded. He almost looked mundane. 

“Maybe,” Alec agreed. “Just not yet.”

Jace didn’t press. Instead he fetched them dinner, Alec picking at his the entire time. Jace wasn’t even sure he ate, no doubt the pressure, and not just from Jace, to get back onto the field, on his mind. 

That or dad. The shouting was getting beyond bad. At one point all of Alec’s things were in the hall, dad threatening to drag Alec out of the Institute. Mom had to defuse that, Jace helping her put all of Alec’s things away before Alec found out what had happened. He also did Alec’s laundry. Call it an apology, or a way to cover his tracks so if Alec did notice something out of place there was an excuse, but Jace did it, ignoring some of the faded blood stains littering some of Alec’s older clothes. 

He was setting it down outside Alec’s door when he heard Izzy call him, Alec already settled into her room, a fluffy pillow on his chest, eyes on the ceiling. “What’s up?” Jace asked, Izzy closing the door firmly behind him.

She shot at look to Alec, not that he even saw it, but Lightwoods, Jace found, had a way of staring at people where they felt it even when they weren’t looking. “I’m thinking of telling mom and dad about Magnus,” he said quietly.

“Seriously?” Now? “I mean, great. Good for you and all that but, don’t you think you should wait a few more months?” Hell he was with Raphael for four years and never breathed a word to any of them. He’s with Magnus for, what, three months, and he’s willing to tell the world? Maybe Jace should have a talk with Magnus at some point. See exactly what he was doing with Alec.

“They’re going to have to find out eventually,” Alec sighed, not looking at all happy with what he was saying. Which was just another reason Jace was going to have to go see Magnus. If he was pressuring Alec, Jace swore to God themself he was going to kill that man.

“Yeah but that doesn’t have to be now. Not if you’re not comfortable.”

“I’ve already told him that,” Izzy said, jumping next to Alec. “He won’t listen.” and from the look in her eyes she too was thinking about having a talk with Magnus.

“It’s better if it’s now,” Alec muttered, still not looking at them. 

Izzy shot him a look, just what she wanted him to say he didn’t know. Which meant his pitiful, “If that’s what you want,” was what he ended up saying.

Alec nodded, the three of them moving the topic onto something else.

It wasn’t until he was out, scouring the streets of Brooklyn for Magnus’s loft, that the full extent of what Alec was going to be telling his parents hit him, which made him scurry all the faster to that damn warlock’s door. He debated breaking in, but Magnus was a high warlock, and sleeping with his brother or not Jace needed to show at least some respect. So he knocked, and waited, and dealt with Magnus playfully not buzzing him through the door when he said he would until he was standing in front of a familiar door. “You’re an ass,” He told Magnus, making sure he was inside before that door slammed. 

“I prefer the term playful,” Magnus droned, “Not that you nephilim know what that means, so I suppose your initial assessment may be right.”

Jace took a few deep breaths before facing Magnus Bane. “I wanted to talk.”

“Obviously,” Magnus said, rolling his eyes, “What’s biscuit done now then?”

“Not about Clary,” Although with the way things were going Jace might very well be back here within the week about Clary. “It’s about Alec. About you and Alec.”

Magnus blinked at him a few times, “You… he told you about…?”

“You guys?” Jace finished. “Yeah. Not that he had to, he wasn’t being subtle.”

Magnus didn’t meet his eyes, his arms coming to cross over each other, “I see.”

This wasn’t how Jace thought it was going to go. “You didn’t know?”

At that Magnus finally looked at him, “You make it sound like it was my idea. He told me outright he was happy keeping things quiet for a little while.”

Wait, “You wanted to keep things quiet?”

“What kind of monster do you think I am?” Magnus snapped. “Your brother explained what happened the first time, and I wasn’t going to be the one pressuring him into coming out the second. I like him,” he near spat at Jace, “and if that means a few private dates then I’m happy to do so.”

Well there went Jace’s anger. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” Magnus huffed, migrating to the sofa. He snapped a drink into his hand, still scowling Jace’s way even as the tension trickled out of the room. “He really told you about us?”

Jace shrugged, “He told us you guys were dating.” and maybe that, since it was only around noon Magnus’s glass would have nothing more than this weird sparkly lemonade drink in it. He only liked to look like he was drinking constantly to put people off guard. “Just little things. He likes you,” Jace forced out.

He saw the smile Magnus hid behind his glass. 

It was a little awkward after that. Jace realised he’d never really had a proper conversation with Magnus, and Magnus was more concerned with why Jace would accuse him of pressuring Alec into coming out, “Especially since I know how hard it is. I spent nearly a century in the closet.” which, ouch. 

Eventually Jace left. 

Or, tried to. Before he got near the door Magnus was stopping him with, “Just a moment,” disappearing off to somewhere in his apartment. He had a small cooler when he came back, Jace opening it to see a few packs of blood inside. 

Great. “Simon can’t do his own runs?” didn’t he get them from Raphael still? 

Magnus gave him an odd look, “They’re for Alexander. I know he must be running low by now.”

Running- 

A thousand little things started adding up in the time it took the cooler to leave his hands and be caught by Magnus. The food he didn’t eat. The curtains stapled shut. The runes. The parabatai rune.

“Alec’s a vampire.” 

“Yes?” Magnus said.

Jace barely heard him because, “Alec’s a vampire.” Oh god Alec- Alec he- 

He gagged, “Not on the carpet,” Magnus warned, steering him through doors and walls until Jace was in front of a toilet, his stomach heaving again because Alec was a vampire.

Alec was a vampire which meant that Alec was dead. That he’d died. That someone had killed him and he hadn’t- he hadn’t been-

He threw up. Alec had died. Those last moments hadn’t been Alec keeping himself secret. He’d been dying. He’d died and Jace had felt it and- he threw up again. All that pain he’d felt. The weeks of pain. Of Alec dying. Did he know? Had he known he was going to wake up as a vampire? He’d been so scared. Jace remembered that. It had kept him up at night for years, that fear that stuck in his throat as Alec probably breathed his last breaths.

He’d been so scared. Jace hadn’t been there, he hadn’t known, he didn’t know what was going on and he couldn’t help. He couldn’t take Alec’s fear away in those last few moments. He hadn’t known they would be Alec’s last few moments. His hand went to his shoulder, remembering the burning itching rip in his skin that hadn’t been there when he looked in a mirror. 

Something nudged against his hand, Jace scrambling back, his head hitting off something hard, vision clouding. Then Magnus, “Out baby. Daddy will play with you later.” His eyes cleared, Jace watching Magnus fight with a fluffy tabby thing before the door was closed. “Sorry about that,” he came back over, hands outstretched. “Can I look at your head?”

His- right he’d hit it. “Alec’s a vampire,” he heard himself say as Magnus tilted his head forward, the pain clearing.

“I thought you knew,” Magnus murmured.

“Alec’s a vampire.” 

“I’m so sorry.”

Somehow they made it to the couch. Somehow Jace managed to swallow a glass of water, his second still in his hands. Magnus had a cat, one of many Jace was starting to realise, on his lap, watching Jace like he was going to throw up again. Which he was honestly fighting the urge to do as years of replaying Alec’s last weeks flooded back to him. 

It took a while before he was able to think properly again. He gave Magnus credit for putting up with him, Jace knew he wasn’t the best guest in that timeframe. He didn’t think he remembered how to be a guest in that time. All he could think of was Alec and, “How?”

“The specifics?” Made Jace jump, Magnus lowering his voice, “I… I know parts. Raphael has told me others. I think Alexander should be the one to tell you though.”

Jace nodded. Magnus shouldn’t be the one to tell him. This wasn’t Magnus’s problem. 

“He loves you,” Magnus said, out of the blue. “He told me. You, Isabelle, Max, he loves you. He won’t hurt you.”

What? It took a moment for Jace to wrap his head around that. To hear what Magnus was saying. To hear the worry he had, not for Jace, but for Alec. “Alec’s my brother,” Jace told him. “Vamp- vampire or not.” God he wasn’t going to do anything to Alec. He would never. 

He leaned onto his knees. 

“I think I have to go.”

“If you’re sure,” Magnus said after a moment, his hands a little tight around his cat.

Jace nodded, getting to his feet. He wasn’t all too sure, but he thought Magnus may have helped him through a portal. Whatever the case, somehow Jace made it back to the Institute. Just in time too, since as soon as he climbed the first step his phone buzzed, Izzy’s name coming up with a  _ WHERE ARE YOU? DAD’S GOING CRAZY!!!!! _

He didn’t think, sprinting the rest of the way up the stairs, getting into the ops room before he heard the yelling. He didn’t have to go far to find dad being physically held back from Alec, the two of them screaming at each other. “OUT! GET OUT! YOU’RE NOT MY SON!”

“I am!” Alec cried, Jace seeing what he hadn’t before. The unnaturally pale skin. The pooling of red at the corner of his eyes instead of tears. “I am your son! Why can’t you see that? What did I do? What did I ever do to make you hate me?”

“You’re not my son!” Dad roared again.

“I am! I am-”

“My son is dead!”

“AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?” Alec screamed.

Silence came, dad paling as he shook himself free of mom. 

Alec bared his teeth, Jace seeing the sharp edge to his fangs. They weren’t dropped, but now Jace knew what to look for he could see them. He could see everything. Alec didn’t even care, Jace realised. There was a manic glint to his eye as he asked again, “Whose fault is that dad? What? Did you think I would forget? Did you think I wouldn’t find out? That they wouldn’t tell me? You fed me to wolves!” Alec grabbed at his jumper, clawing it up and off until Jace could see the dead runes littering his chest and the patches of his skin Jace had sworn once held them too but, “They skinned me!” he pointed to where a swiftness rune once lay, Jace’s hand coming up to his shoulder too. “They tortured me. You gave them a weaponless shadowhunter. Did you think they would make it quick? Did you think they wouldn’t want to draw it out? They hate us. You know they hate us. They have every fucking right to hate us!”

Magnus’s words circled around his head. Jace couldn’t say why, just that they came to him. Magnus had said the first time hadn’t gone so well. Alec’s first time coming out. He’d been so upset at the idea of doing it again. “Did you kill him because he’s gay?” Jace heard himself ask. 

Dad was stiller than Jace had ever seen him, but guilt was strong in his eyes. It was all Jace needed to see. 

“Oh my God you killed him.” Valentine, maybe he would have expected that from him. But dad?

“Dad?” Izzy asked, her voice barely a whisper.

“Tell them,” Alec snapped. “Tell them dad. Or are you going to start with that crap you’ve been feeding them for four years? What did you even tell them? That I killed myself? That I ‘went missing’? He buried me out back you know. Right next to the angel. He was so ashamed of having me as his son that he didn’t even have the guts to bury me properly. Just kick me right out of the family.”

Jace felt his knees threaten to buckle. 

“He’s lying,” dad said. Then firmer, “He’s lying.” 

“Oh for-” Alec bared his teeth again, fangs down this time, “I’m a vampire dad. You really should have checked before finishing me off. I mean, Raphael practically hand delivered me home and you didn’t think to ask what he’d done to get me back?”

He couldn’t say what happened next. Everything was sort of trapped in a ringing noise of darkness. 

He came around in bed. Not his bed, there were too many crumbs underneath his butt for it to be his. It stank of perfume too. Izzy was next to him, sitting against her headboard, knees to her chest and eyes on the door. He sat up with her, his head pounding from whatever mental breakdown he was suffering through. “What’s going on?”

“Alec’s a vampire,” Izzy said in a voice Jace that pretty much told him how done she was with all of this. “Mom and dad are talking.”

Something crashed against the wall, yelling accompanying it until it faded again.

“Dad keeps trying to get in. He wants to take us to Alicante. Like he thinks if he gets us away we’re ever going to believe anything he says again.” Another crash, another bout of yelling.

“Mom?”

“She’s… I don’t know. She’s been keeping dad out though.” Which didn’t really say anything he supposed. “Alec’s gone,” she said, Jace figuring that had to be about right. “He called Magnus. I think they’re back at the DuMort.” Where Alec had been living because he was a vampire. Maybe because he used to be Raphael’s boyfriend, but definitely because he was a vampire.

“Magnus knows,” Jace thought to throw out there.

“I figured,” Izzy mumbled. 

They listened to the arguing for a while. Long enough for Jace to seep back into that dark place he’d only just found his way out of. Vampires only took one day to be reborn, right? That meant Alec might not have been in the ground for that long. No more than a day. 

Still, Jace might have walked on top of it. He might have walked alongside it and Alec might have been there, buried, dead, waiting for the sun to set so he could be reborn- another something hit the door, Jace sort of hoping it was dad’s face. 

How dare he. How  _ dare _ he.

“I never thought they’d do it to Alec,” Izzy muttered.

“What?”

Her eyes were red, her makeup smeared when she glanced towards him. “Dad. Usually he has them exiled to Alicante, or transferred to another Institute if he finds out.”

“If he…” finds out they’re gay? What the hell.

“That’s why he stopped talking to Wayland you know. I know he isn’t your dad,” never had been his dad, “but when we thought he was Alec and I told each other we wouldn’t tell you why dad and him stopped talking.”

“He was gay?” No wonder he was dead then. If Robert hadn’t done it then Valentine most definitely had. 

“Maybe?” Izzy shrugged. “I just know he liked dad, and dad freaked out and told him if they ever saw each other again he’d kill him.”

Jace’s mouth wouldn’t close properly. “Huh.”

“Still,” she wiped her nose, “I thought, out of everyone, maybe he wouldn’t turn on Alec. I mean, Alec’s family.”

Jace rubbed at his head. If Alec and Izzy had talked about Jace’s dad then that meant that they knew what their dad was like. Had to. Which meant- God and he’d always wondered why Alec made such a big deal about keeping things quiet. “He was so scared.” Even before the- God- torture he’d went through. Alec had been constantly scared. Constantly on edge. It was tiring being Alec’s parabatai. Some days Jace had to block him out enough to actually be able to think straight and he’d always poked fun at it, always told Alec to lighten up when he’d always known that one wrong move would end up with him, well, where he ended up. “I need to talk to him.” 

Something crashed against the door. “Same.”

They stayed where they were. Long enough for the hallway to go quiet and the crashing to stop. For Izzy to tell him that Max was coming to stay with them permanently. It was part of the news mom and dad had told them while Jace was at Magnus’s. He’s completed his Academy training and should be able to get his first rune any day now. For her to remind both of them that after that Alec came out to their parents and who knew what was going to come of it. 

Half an hour and no shouting Jace chanced it. Or, was going to before Izzy dragged him to her side of the bed, “I may have thrown up there,” she told him.

He pulled a face, but didn’t blame her.

They peered out the door, waiting, watching the silence for a few minutes before creeping through. The ops room was busy, and for once Jace was thankful for it as he slipped around shadowhunters who couldn’t care less what was going on. It was only when he reached outside that he stopped. That his eyes darted to the statue of the angel as they made it to the sidewalk. The few, fake, gravestones that lay beyond it and remembered his brother had been buried there and Jace hadn’t known. He hadn’t known his brother had been so close to him. That he could have been there for him. Helped him.

Izzy took his hand, gently leading him away. “The DuMort’s this way.”

The walk was long and quiet. Izzy started crying half way there, Jace felt like joining her had he not known he would stop if he did. He wanted to talk to Alec. He needed to talk to Alec. 

Santiago was waiting outside for them, his usual scowl fixed firmly in place. At least until Izzy charged him, her arms wrapping around his neck as she hugged him. “Thank you for helping him.” 

He awkwardly patted her back, Jace telling him outright when Izzy stepped away, “thank you,” as well, “But I’m not hugging you.”

“I’m grateful,” and Santiago looked it too. He nodded his head back, “Your mom’s already inside. Penthouse. Don’t kill anyone or trash my room.”

Mom? Izzy grabbed his hand, the two of them sprinting to the stairwell. Then rethinking their approach and trying the elevator. It worked, thank God, and certainly got them there faster than who knew how many flights of stairs would. 

Jace expected a blood bath, or shouting or something when he walked in. Instead he found the main area of the penthouse empty, the hotel quiet except for a soft murmur coming from one of the closed doors. Izzy opened it, the pair of them glancing in to find mom brushing Alec’s hair back, her eyes red and puffy as she hugged him.

“Mom?” Izzy asked.

She looked up, sniffing slightly as she asked, “Can you close the door Isabelle? It’s daylight soon.”

They stepped in, closing the door like she asked even as Alec, sitting up, told her, “You know as well as I do this whole place is airtight.”

“Yes, but the Institute wasn’t,” she shot back, Alec ducked his head back down.

It was quiet for a while. None of them really knew what to say, and mom, it looked like, was finally having the mental breakdown Jace and Isabelle had already had. It was the finality of knowing, of being given answers that really just cut through the fog they’d lived the last four years under. At one point Raphael came up. He didn’t come in, but he did make enough noise for them to know he was there, Alec telling them his room was one of the other doors. Which just begged the question, “How are you even up here?” They weren’t sharing rooms, at least, not anymore. “Aren’t you like a baby to them?”

Alec pulled a face, “Technically,” he, at least, comfortable with what he was by now. “But since I helped demote Camille and Raphael has me detaining any vamps that even think about breaking the Accords I get a nice comfy room up here.”

Which was fair enough. 

“I also may have been a little feral in my early days,” Alec admitted quietly. “Raphael’s my sire so,” he shrugged, but Jace got the gist of it. Vamps relied on their sires to calm them down before they went on killing sprees, vampire or mundane in nature. Alec staying close to Raphael made sense in that aspect.

“How?” Mom burst in with, “Why? Alec what happened?” she begged.

He shrugged, Jace holding himself back from asking what mom just did. Sometimes Alec needed a minute, he told himself. All of this, it couldn’t be easy for him. 

Sure enough, after a while, “I told dad I was gay.” his eyes cut to mom, Jace too waiting for her to say something. But, Jace realised, mom had been just as cut up as the rest of them when Alec went missing. 

Maybe before she might have had something to say about it. But now? She looked about as happy as the rest of them to just have Alec back with them, gay or straight. It wasn’t like he would ever have kids anyway. 

Still, Alec didn’t know that, so he waited a few seconds before going on with, “I er, I didn’t want to but he kept talking about marriage and,” Alec shrugged. “I couldn’t.” he shrugged again. “I talked to Raphael a lot about it too. He er, he doesn’t really like people and we were sort of friends? I was helping him with Camille anyway.” 

A story Jace was sure he’d get another time. But, “dad?” he prompted. That was what was important here.

“Right.” He folded his legs beneath him. “So er, one evening dad said we were going out, and not to tell anyone. He said he wanted to talk more about the- the  _ gay _ thing. And we did. Sort of. He kept asking me if I ever thought I could pretend or just keep quiet about it. But like I said, I talked to Raphael and a few other people and I just didn’t want to do that to myself.” 

“And you shouldn’t have had to,” Izzy told him. 

Alec nodded. “Well I told dad that anyway and then we ended up at the docks. Not the one in Red Hook. It doesn’t matter anyway,” he said. “Dad told me he’d dropped his phone or something and that I should wait and, next thing I know,” he shrugged. “I don’t remember a lot. I didn’t have my stele, or my bow, dad had them, said we weren’t going hunting just yet. I guess dad tried to throw you off the scent with them anyway.” the bloody arrows, the tattered quiver. Alec hadn’t even had them to defend himself, dad had probably just dipped them in whatever blood was leftover at the scene. “There were a lot of drugs too,” he shook his head, “And er, I remember they took a few of my runes, and they talked a lot when they did. About dad. About this being a system. Apparently a few of those shadowhunters we thought transferred didn’t actually transfer.” 

Alec told them a little more. About there being some sort of morbid black shadow market that dealt shadowhunter runes and angelic blood and other things they made sure to bleed Alec dry of.

It was the blood that eventually got Raphael’s attention. “Camille’s got this special stash and…” Alec hesitated before admitting, “Raphael may know what my blood smells like,” which he wouldn’t elaborate on. “And he tracked me down and helped.” 

Which is how Alec got blood in his system. The vampire blood cleared the drugs and healed his skin enough that Alec could help Raphael get him out of there. 

“I phoned you first,” Alec told him. “Dad picked up. I guess you must have left your phone lying around. Dad met us out front. He looked so happy to see me and Raphael had to leave because of the sun and,” he shuddered out a breath. “Guess he decided it was more dangerous for me to live than try again later since…” 

He phoned Jace first. That was what stuck with him. At that point in time, Jace had been confined to his room, his phone confiscated so he couldn’t call anyone to help him. Dad had him near strapped to the bed, refusing to let Hodge or anyone use his rune to find Alec. 

If Jace hadn’t made a fuss he would have had his phone. If Jace hadn’t- Alec would still be alive. It was his fault. It was all- “No,” Alec said, Jace’s head coming to rest on Alec’s shoulder.. “Jace it wasn’t, okay? It was his fault. His, not yours.”

“I should have answered,” Jace sobbed.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Alec repeated. “Jace it wasn’t.”

But it was. It was definitely his fault. 

Other things needed to be asked. Like how did Raphael know what Alec’s blood tasted like. Or other things. But right then, the only thing Alec told them was that it wasn’t Jace’s fault. It wasn’t any of their faults. They weren’t the one who’d held the knife. They weren’t the one who told Alec he should have killed himself the moment he found out he was gay. Who’d been waiting outside of Alec’s door, Jace remembered, with a knife, ready to kill whatever was inside, son or not.

It was a long day. Made longer when they all realised dad was still at the Institute. That, in the eyes of the Clave, really, he’d done nothing wrong. Gay shadowhunters weren’t allowed. It wasn’t explicitly stated, but apparently everyone knew that bad things happened to those who came out. If they caught wind of this, everything would just be swept under the rug, just like all the others had been. 

“At least you’re protected here,” mom told Alec, his head in her lap. “He can’t harm you without just cause. Something more than just tormenting him at the Institute too.” Which had been Alec’s plan, they found out. 

As soon as he saw that dad had fed them a bunch of lies, realistically, Alec knew that it would happen, but hearing it himself? Even Jace would have been pissed off enough to stick around. To haunt him until he confessed. Or at least until he pissed Alec off enough he told them himself, which, both sort of happened. “I just wanted him to tell me why,” Alec mumbled. 

Mom kissed his head, “I’m so sorry.”

She was, too. As soon as night came they left Alec in the hotel with promises to come back, but right now, they all had jobs to do. Or, Izzy and Jace did. As soon as mom got into the Institute she broke dad’s nose and hauled him off to the residential quarters. Thankfully Aldertree was still somewhat terrified of mom since he only sort of asked where she was going, Jace shrugging as he wandered over to the weapons racks. He gladly turned his brain off for ichor duty that night. 

That next morning, as soon as the sun rose, Jace was pulling his boots on and ignoring the call of his bed. Mom met him at the door, an iratze on her shoulder, and from the rumours a few of them on dad too. Izzy was already out. She’d slipped away on patrol and texted Jace as soon as she got to the Jade Wolf, the pair of them agreeing yesterday that just because the Clave wouldn’t do anything about Alec that didn’t mean they weren’t going to kill whoever decided they thought they could skin their brother and get away with it. 

No vampires stopped them when they got to the hotel. One of them gave them an odd look, but let them pass to the elevators. When it finally dinged open, Jace had to mentally prepare himself when he heard a familiar voice drift over to him. 

“... so Dracula, you know?” Simon rambled, Jace rounding the corner to see him on the floor, planks of wood spread out around him. There was some sort of box he was constructing next to him, and on the sofa looking almost bored had Alec not grown up with one of them, was Alec and Raphael. 

“What are you doing?” Jace asked.

Simon looked up like he didn’t have super hearing and should have been able to, at least, smell that they were in the building. “Oh Jace, hi,” his smile fell when he saw, “Mrs Lightwood,” a look of fear, mixed with a tinge of respect Jace had grown to know well over the years, entering his eyes. “I er-”

“That’s not important,” Alec said, hopping over the planks of wood to hug mom. 

Mom cleared her throat as soon as there was space between them, “I er, I brought you this,” she thrust a box between them. “Well, you and Santiago,” she nodded over to him.

“How generous,” Raphael said.

“Yeah,” Alec said, face twisting. “But, in future, you don’t have to get me blood mom. I know it’s weird.”

Ah. Right. Of course that’s what it was. 

Mom cleared her throat again, Jace witnessing her force herself to say, “Nonsense. I’m your mother. I always will be, and if I can get you a few packets here and there then I will.”

Considering what Jace knew of her background in the Circle he thought this was a big step up for her. Raphael did too, Jace remembering he’d been around for that time period as he nodded again over at mom. Alec put the blood away, Jace wandering over to Simon’s whatever that was. “Seriously, what are you doing?”

Simon grinned up at him, hand scrambling until he thrust a sheet of paper in Jace’s face. “Making a coffin. Alec told me I missed out on it with Clary and all, so now I finally get to sleep in a proper vampire bed.”

He could feel Raphael’s glare. Not that he needed it, Jace knew when to keep something to himself. “Sounds good.” Something like the fact vampires don’t sleep in coffins and Alec and Raphael were definitely messing with him.

Simon would find out on his own at some point. 

Probably. 

For now Jace focused on Alec. Or, more accurately, “What’s going to happen now?” 

No one really knew. Well nothing more than, “Your sister’s starting an investigation into those wolves, and the black shadow market,” mom said.

“Oh,” Alec closed his door, Jace flopping onto his bed as mom started a slow circuit around Alec’s room. “Right. About that.”

From the way Alec was looking, “All of them?” Jace asked. 

“Well,” Alec hesitated, “Maybe not all of them. But I got the faces I remember.”

Huh. 

Mom gave him and Jace a look, “Why don’t we keep that to ourselves when Isabelle gets confirmation of the black shadow market.”

Alec nodded, hopping next to Jace. “So you’re investigating?”

“Of course I’m investigating,” Mom said immediately. 

“And dad?”

Mom turned away. “You know I can’t do anything about him.” If Alec was straight and had lived, then fair enough. But he wasn’t. He was a vampire now, practically dead to any shadowhunter around. Just look at Luke, when he came to the Institute even Clary was a little hesitant. For Clary it was mainly worry of what someone would do to him, but the hesitance was still there. Still, “Your father’s putting in for a transfer anyway. The LA Institute has been asking him for a while if he would like to visit,” she muttered something afterwards that had Alec sighing next to him. 

“You never deserved him,” Alec told her.

She looked back at him. “I’m so sorry sweetheart.”

Alec shrugged, “I sort of knew nothing would happen to him.” Hence tormenting him for months.

“I’ll look though Alec,” Mom promised. “If there’s anything I can get him on I will. He’s not coming near any of you again” 

Alec breathed out shakily next to him. 

Talk was a little stilted after that. There was this huge thing now between them and Jace had questions, but mom was here and mom had questions but Jace was here so all in all they only managed to talk about Alec’s sleeping arrangements. “I mean,” Alec scratched his chin, “I have this place, but Magnus and I were talking about moving in near Christmas so I don’t know if it’ll be worth getting my stuff from home or not. Most of it’s a little wrecked anyway.” Yeah, Alec had way more crap than Jace thought he would living here. More sweaters, more sneakers, more books lined in neat little rows. His room here was crammed in a way it had never been back at the Institute. Like Alec was letting himself live for the first time in his life. 

“Magnus?” Mom repeated, Jace recalling that she’d only just learned Alec was gay yesterday. “As in Magnus Bane?” 

“He’s actually kind of nice,” Jace shot in.

It did little since, “There are hundreds of men in New York Alec, did you have to pick him?”

Alec looked a little taken aback, mouth struggling for a moment before, “So you’re more bothered that it’s Magnus?” Than someone else was left unsaid.

“You’re alive Alec,” She told him, “That’s all that matters to me.” which was actually a little relieving for Jace to hear nevermind Alec. “But Magnus Bane? Really?”

“He’s nice,” Alec repeated. 

Mom rolled her eyes, “Ugh I’m going to have to see his smug face more often now aren’t I.”

“He is smug isn’t he,” Jace said, glad someone else had noticed it.

“He is not smug,” Alec whined.

Mom didn’t appear to hear him as she nodded at Jace, “And the comments.”

“Right?”

“Mom,” Alec whined.

Mom had to go back eventually. Jace was tempted to join her, but Alec’s bed was pretty comfy and he’d been promised no one would be gnawing on his neck if he snoozed for a bit. Jace waved her off, lamenting at Simon’s lack of carpentry skill on his way back to Alec’s room.

He happily jumped back in next to Alec, his body relaxing even if he knew when he went to sleep he’d have nightmares of a phone call he would never answer. But Alec was here. He was alive, if undead. He was the same Alec he’d always been and always would be. 

“Do you miss it?” Alec asked after a while, the pair of them staring at the, actually tastefully decorated, ceiling. 

“Yes.” He didn’t even have to know what Alec was talking about. “My soul split in two again Alec. Only it was worse than being alone.”

“You told me you were fine,” Alec mumbled.

“I lied.” He grabbed Alec’s hand, “I might find a girl, and I might marry her and love her and all that crap but she’s never gonna make me whole. You were and are the only person I could share my soul with. Not knowing where you were was the hardest time of my life Alec.  _ Whither thou goest, I will go _ but I couldn’t. I couldn’t go to you. I didn’t know where you were.” 

“I wanted to tell you,” Alec whispered, hand clenching against Jace’s. “I did. I wanted so badly to go home, to be with you and Izzy and Max. But I didn’t want you looking at me like he did.”

“I know.” He did now. He felt sick just thinking about what Alec thought they would do to him. Ridiculous as it might be now, Alec had been betrayed by his own father. Jace knew what that felt like, he knew how hard it was to build that kind of trust, to look at what he had and know it wasn’t real. “Promise me when you do die, I know it might be centuries from now but, can we still be parabatai?”

“They won’t let me be buried in Alicante,” Alec answered wetly.

Jace wiped at his own face. “Then here? Under the angel? If that’s your grave then I want it to be mine too.” 

He saw Alec nod blurrily out the corner of his eye, his brother sniffing before telling him, “You’re so fucking morbid.”

Jace laughed as he wiped his eyes again. “Fine,” he coughed, clearing his throat, “tell me about Magnus then. Win me over.”

Alec did. The things he could say about that man could last a lifetime, and it was nice to know, to hope, that they would stick around each other for the long run. That Alec would have someone with him in the long years Jace would be away from him. Alec deserved that. 

For now however, there was only so much he could hear about the beauty of Magnus’s eyes before he decided he was done for the day. Shoving Alec over, he made himself more comfortable, reaching back just before sleep took him to grab Alec’s hand. Alec was alive, and that was all that mattered to him. Their souls might be apart once more, but along the way they’d mingled, and so long as Alec was still breathing, they’d both have a part of each other in some way. 

“I love you,” Jace told him, knowing he hadn’t said it enough when they were younger.

“Love you too,” Alec said, and proceeded to show Jace just why they never shared a bed all that often when they were kids. Alec was a bed hog and God help Magnus when he found that out too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote a story similar to this, but when I was writing it I really wanted to write it as a mystery, only it wouldn't go that way. Thus this one was born. They're both completely separate so you don't have to go read that one, it's not one of my best, but I like how this one came out.


End file.
